The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

[Entry #59 4-30-14]

Not only was she awoken at 2am to arguing and crying seeping through and up her floor at 2 am, but her day wouldn't get any better. It had taken her at least an hour to block them out. And when she came to the second time, she was almost late to her safe haven. School.

So it may have been a safe haven. But her day could not, and would not get better. $120 was smothered thanks to broken headphones. That was the third pair this week, however. Even so, her eyes widened, and shattered, at her mother's cut posted to the internet, a her heart grew black in hatred. Attention seeker, she spat in her head. If it had been herself, she would hide it. Which was a reminder. She had a pair of blades in her bag, for days like these.

She thought about it. And still thought about it as her Angel sat down next to her. She unzipped it's compartment, and grabbed hold of them. She thought some more, as her Guardian looked at her curiously. She grabbed his bag, and put the pathetic dull blade in his bag, for her safety. Her eyes may be clouded, but she knew what was best of her. Even as later in the day, she knew the action would be regretted.

The Guardian still was confused. She promised him that as soon as he found out, he would thank her.

In the first class of no learning, he found new ways to soothe herself. Lullabies. She doesn't know her odd connection with them, but they almost always worked. How could she remain angry, or sad, to a song designed to calm innocent little ones?

Although, as soon as the graceful sounds had to be turned off, her face spectacles had broken. In a way, it was a faint blessing. A message saying that reality isn't always the best way to look.

The Guardian Angel learned her secret yearnings, and tried to hug her. She shook it off. She was in a pool of darkness. All he could do was slightly prevent. Later, into her 9-hour haven, she could no longer focus as her mind finally gave way. It hid in shallow land, of no thought or color. She couldn't do anything anymore. She didn't want to go back to hell in the next 2 hours. She couldn't. She had tried to find other alternatives. But there were no other option.

For the rest of the day, she remained numb. An old fallback to 'resolving' her problems. That is, until she got home.

She is greeted happily, and is assured that everything will be okay. She still has lullabies in her ears, slow and smooth. The aura inside has changed. Instead of anger and hate, it's of reassurance. Not only has the mood of the house has changed, so has hers. The lullabies were gone, and the upbeat pop songs were out. Into her ears as, even when alone, she dances and sings with a smile on her face.

This girl, you can see, is me. This was my day. This journal comes with a special message from this girl.

~

Life may seem like absolute shit. The emotions you hold are exploding and pouring, or hiding and pressured. Don't forget you do have a meaning in life. You are you for a reason. You always have a reason to smile. You just have to clear those clouds that hover around you, you have to find the sunshine. You have to grab hold of it. Tight hold of it. And keep hope. Because things will get better.

Take it from me.

~

{I hope you enjoyed this very different format of a journal. It is being posted early, I believe that no matter what, this is the lesson I learned today. I he told you this message before. For me, however, this is a lesson I continuously have to learn over and over. Because, unfortunately, I have a set statement for myself. I believe, that every time I become happy, or I have a good day, something always comes in and destroys it. An this is true. What I always seem to forget... Is the calm, and ecstasy that follows after the ditch I fall in. Every up will have it's down, and every down will have its uprise. I promise.}

Keep Smiling.

~Sharpie