The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

Entry# 44: 4-15-14

Well, I've decided to wear my eye makeup every day.

BUT I WAS RIGHT THAT DAVID WAS GOING TO BE THE SEXIEST MOTHERFUCKER ON THE FACE OF THE FUCKING PLANET A. I CANT CONTAIN THE BEATING OF MY HEART. FUUUCCKKKKK.

He didn't sit next to us this morning on Late start because he wanted to play some cards with other people. He was only a few tables away, an I promised I wouldn't stare. I won't stare I won't stare I wont stare FUCK HE SO FUCKING HANDSOME.

When I saw him this morning I said "Fuck you" jokingly. I can't help myself. My heart feels like it's going to explode.

Well, fuck it. There is NO WAY I'll be able to focus today. Not with David wearing my ultimate weakness. Tuxedos. I'M GOING TO CRY HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

WHHHYYYY DAVID!! WHY MUST YOU STRIKE ME DOWN WITH YOUR SEXIENESS. MY MUST YOU GRAB A HOLD TO EVERY PART OF MY HEART.

I decided early in the day I wasn't going to get shit done. Since he was going to be in my head all day. I was crying and dying on the inside.

And I was right. It was really hard to concentrate.

So, in order to keep my mind off of him in 3rd Hour Study Hall, I started to organize all of my music from the top of my head. In my notes section on my phone. And let me tell you, that's a LOT of music. Like, holy shit. So far, I have 57 albums to either download onto the computer, or buy for my birthday. Then I'll be making a mix CD of any other random songs from a long time ago, or randomness from the radio. That took a long time.

When I saw the sexiness in band again, I did my best not to stare. I did a pretty okay job. Also in band, however, our Band Director told us about a piece called 4:33. And it's literally 4 minutes and 33 seconds of complete silence. Like, seriously??

After band, I was talking to Grae about how hot I think David is today. And how Tuxedos are my ultimate weakness. She said something I've thought about before, "So you're going to be drooling an stuff on your wedding? Libby and I will be in the back laughing like, 'I see her trail of drool!'!" I mean, if I have a weakness for Tuxedos, how am I going to handle my Wedding? I'm going to have a heart attack on the aisle.

So, after 10 minutes of talking to her, and as she was leaving, David came waltzing into the doors.

"GUHHHH" I loudly grumbled playfully.

"GUHHHH" he loudly grumbled as a response.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT" I accused him.

"Because I'm wearing my suit?" He teases.

I blush. "YES. You asshole!"

I seriously have a problem with this. I'm blushing a lot.

So, uhm, in 10th hour study hall, I wrote this journal, and I wouldn't let Sydney read over my shoulder for the whole tuxedo thing, because.. Considering she ha some sort of a crush on him, and while I'm madly in fucking love... That might be awkward. If. You know. If I said David was a hot, sexy piece of ass that made me hot and bothered.

You're welcome.

Which reminds me!!!

Sydney and I got into a conversation, about her being innocent. She may not think she's innocent, but no. If you hide when I say, "Imma give David a blowjob"... You're innocent.

So I told her about a conversation between David and I, the two least innocent people she knows.

I told him, "Fuck you!" Playfully.

He snaps back with, "When, Where, how hard?"

"Here, now, as hard as you can." I responded, without missing a beat.

He was quiet surprised. Because, at the time, I didn't throw around sexual marks. But now.... It seems like David must know every single sexual mark {that may be true} that I have rolling around in my head.

I feel so free!

When I got home, I finally looked up All Of Me by John Legend.

I CANT RELATE TO A SONG SO MUCH. LISTEN TO THIS SONG. PRETEND IM THE ONE SINGING IT. THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT DAVID. EVERY FUCKING WORD, EVERYY FUCKING DAY.

I almost started crying. It's so perfect, oh my god have mercy. I even texted this to David. Just not as much profanity or insanity.

I'm not sure if I can do this anymore. I love him so much, and all I can do is watch him pass me by...

I sigh every time I think of this.

Guess what?

I get to deal with these feelings and emotions all day tomorrow.

Well, later on, I got in contact with my 3rd Cousin for the first time in a year or so. And he is really cool. Him and I have a lot in common. I can't wait to actually meet him. One day. I suggested for one of us to visit the other for a weekend or something over the summer. Wouldn't that be cool? So I literally spent the rest of my day chatting with him.

Well, as I always say...

Keep Smiling!

{and wish me luck that I don't say anything stupid tomorrow to David!}

~Sharpie.