The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

Entry#8: 6-16-14

Daily Dose of David #5

It's 1 o'clock in the morning. I've been unable to fall asleep this past week. Yesterday I fell asleep at 7am. The day before that, 5:17am. But there's one difference from 'tonight' and the other two nights. The other two nights, I was kept up watching videos on YouTube. I had need watching my favorite Britishman play scary games. Such as Outlast. That's an AWESOME horror game, by the way.

But tonight, I've nothing to watch. Or play. Or do anything. And of course, you should never ever leave me alone with my thoughts. One of three things will happen. Either I will daydream of scary ass shit, I will eat, or I will think about David.

So guess what's happening now!? Not so hard to guess, is it? Obviously I'm thinking of David, because this is a DDD entry.

So I was minding my own business, scrolling through Facebook when I see a picture of Ciel from Black Butler in his dress. (Anime characters. The pain point is that Ciel is a dude in a dress) and the caption said, "I will always hate this picture, because I know, I will never nearly look good in a dress as well as he does". And for me, that's fucking true!

And of course, its 12:35am, so my mind wonders. Prom. Suddenly I picture me, much skinnier, and him, aallll dressed up. Posing for a picture. For prom.

My heart raced as my mind snapped back to reality. No, no, no. That won't happen!! I swear. I've been swearing for the past year, and so far, I've been RIGHT! I know David too well. He won't ever date me, let alone take me to prom! Oh my jeezus.

Another thing, as I'm writing as I'm thinking, and as I'm thinking as I'm writing.... Tuxedos.

Oh god.

Tuxedos, holy shit. So I was watching movies earlier today, and somewhat being a bit attracted to the ones in tuxedos.. Because I REALLY can't help it. And then I thought of David in his tuxedo. It just makes me want to MELT! Dear god. Have mercy. On my soul.

Then, at the time, I thought to myself, "Oh dear! What if he decides to be evil and come to my birthday party in a TUXEDO?! I will slap him if he does. Imagine how much I would blush! Oh shizz, I can feel the blood rushing already..."

Seriously. He would be the biggest asshole, and he would know it. He knows that I am his bitch as soon as I see him in a tuxedo. It's like I'm an alcoholic, and he's my liquor when he's in that damned tux. He's a shoe and I'm his shoelace. He's a restaurant and I'm his food. I'm at his disposal. If he had protection, I could be his...-

YOU KNOW WHAT NEVER MIND. YOU GET THE IDEA. I THINK HE'S DOWNRIGHT GORGEOUS AND SEXY IN A TUXEDO.

Moving on....

So, I was thinking about my love for him, that everyone knows all too well that I hold for him. He knows it, my parents know it, my friends know it. Fuck, the whole Concert Band knows that I'm uncontrollably in love with this fucker. And I reflected on many conversations we've had, the fact that we both realize that we are a good match.

I also currently remember that he once said that is all too much. How I kept count on how many people want us to date, and how I know my numbers all too well. I mean, thank god I haven't mentioned that our signs (Gemini x Libra) are fucking perfect, because that just might scare him. But, I wonder if he's seen that I've backed off from the numbers and I've tried to contain my 'obsession' with him. I'm trying to keep him comfortable.

Of course that's not entirely easy when my mom and brother tease us right in front of us and our backs. Great way to scare him off guys...

And he knows that they all piss me off. All of them. Every single person who tease us, while we're both present. It makes me mad. I really hate it. I do. I feel like all of this pressure of SO MANY people wanting us to date WILL scare him. Not only that, but I feel that it might make him feelpressured to date me. As much as I love him, and want to date him, I want that decision to come from the heart.

Did I get off topic? I don't recall. Is late in the night/early in the morning... And I'm just trying to clear my mind.

Oh what the hell, let me list off the 13/14 people who want him and I to date. And to start, the reason why it's not a solid number, is because there isn't a solid amount of people. See... John wanted us to date too. So I feel conflicted on whether or not to keep him on the 'list' or not.

The rest of the people are Libby (obviously), Tracey (Libby's Mom), Grae (My friend. Pronounced as "Grey"), Kayla and Lauren (My sisters), Eli (My Cousin), Alex (The girl), Emily (My friend from my hometown!), Kalynn, RJ, Collin, my Mom and Dad, and finally, ME! Haha

When I found out about Tracey. I was quiet surprised. There were more people rooting for us than I thought! I bet you there's more... I just either can't remember, or they haven't told me. Yeah, so, it all written down on a note on my phone. The reason being is NOT because I'm a creeper. But, if your remember from my last Journal, (or if your name is Sydney, of which, loves horses....haha), I have a CRAZY obsession for numbers. I love data. And to me, the number of people who want us to date is considered data. Really. I love things that I can count. It's fun, don't ask why.

But yeah. Hmm. Any thing else going through my mind at.... 1:30am? No?

Hey cool, my brain feels so much more clear now. MAYBE I CAN SLEEP!! Wish me luck!!

Keep Smiling. :)

~Sharpie