The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

Entry #30: 4-1-14

Guess what!! David said he's made a mistake, and actually really does want to date me!!! Isn't that awesome?!

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Oh, yeah, and guess what?? APRIL FOOLS DAY. You saw that coming. You sly human.

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Anyway...

When I woke up this morning, I found out I had been marked again. And I groaned. But up until I saw David, I was thinking about my feeling towards him. I mean, they were just ruptured. I still love him, but just like BEFORE HE TOLD ME ANYTHING, I can ignore it.

I shrug it off though, and I listen to my music and play my favorite game on my phone.

Mac sat by us, for like, 5 seconds, because he wanted to talk about some sort of finale that happened last night. I personally have no idea what he was talking about. I've also come to the conclusion, that whatever was there, is gone.

All my free time was spent on figuring myself out.

During band, David was back to being him, and to being the guy I love. While just the melody was playing, he was looking at me, and dancing around like a fool. He was so silly. He was making random faces at me and everything. Some other players were confused, and eventually realized he was entertaining me. I wonder what they think....

In English class, we all think our teacher has GOT to be on something. The examples he used were hilarious. Only 4 sentences were funny, and the paragraph was messed up. (We had to correct the sentences and paragraph, but the correct versions are given to you, of course)

Sentences:

13. Each of the girls brought her own knife to the knife fight.

15. Your explanation doesn't really help that much because you're a fool.

17. Each of the students was happy that spring break was over because now they can return to the oasis of joy that is English II Honors.

19. Someone forgot to bring her knife to the knife fight - uh oh.

The Paragraph:

Cats from a pet store are getting very expensive to purchase nowadays. The economics of this situation have hit lonely people right in the wallet. Few have enough money to buy all the best cats they want. A sad, lonely individual will have to use his or her brains if they want to save money at the pet store. Several of my cat-lady friends find cats in the alley if she wants to save a little money. Edith, one of my friends, takes another approach. Her favorite type of cat is Burmese cats. Whenever she sees a Burmese cat in someone's house, she'll crawl through the window and take the cat. She doesn't have to pay for anything. While this may be illegal, the cats she steals are happy with Edith. Joanna and Selma, two of my cat-lady friends, save tons of money by stealing their cats from people's houses. However, we all know the bet type of cat is a cat that isn't a cat, but a dog. Cats are horrible.

The whole classroom was laughing so hard. He makes them up himself. Some students were accusing him that these stories that he gives us are based off of his own life. (some other stories he's given us have been ridiculous. Such as getting engaged through text, and announcing it on twitter)

It was seriously funny.

During study hall, I decided to color my phone case rainbow designs with sharpie. Ever wonder why I'm called sharpie? I loooOOOOOVE sharpies!

But when I got home, mom was sick. And she got mad at me (I'm assuming) because I didn't want breakfast for dinner. So we went to Taco Bell. And used her birthday money apparently.

LOOK. JUST BECAUSE IM THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESNT WANT POTATOES OR SAUSAGE OR EGGS FOR DINNER DOESNT MEAN EVERYONE DOESNT EAT IT. IT MEANS THAT IM THE ONLY ONE TO EAT SOMETHING ELSE. LIKE FROZEN PIZZA.

Seriously. What's wrong with that? But nooOOOOooo. That's completely unheard of.

So during dinner, my brother and I watched Mythbusters. I also found out David RARELY uses his snapchat. Out of the 6 months I've had it, this was the first time I got a snap from him.

I've also found out I have cabin fever. I'm getting aggravated at everyone in this house way too fast. I need to get out for a while....

Because, at least an hour later, mom was yelling at us and blubbering and crying. One second, it was how no one listens to her as she doesn't tell us why she's upset. For about 20 minutes, she's silent, not talking to us. The next 5 minutes aggravated at how the dish washer is unorganized, and the next 20 minutes saying how no one did anything for her birthday, and the next 10 crying crying about how she just spent the last of her birthday money. All the meanwhile stating that no one appreciates her life at all.

The entire time I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep a straight face. Two things here. Well, probably more than that.

One: this whole "no one appreciates me" thing is a trigger for me, that they don't know. Because I cannot tell you how many times I said something... And no one actually hears me. Because I'm just a teenager whose existence doesn't matter because I don't help clean the house, or because I'm not interesting enough. Because I'm a teen. So I'm mainly ignored in that house.

Two: She doesn't talk to us! When she's upset she says nothing. She doesn't tell us why an she doesn't let us help. At all. So how the fuck are we supposed to help her if she doesn't say anything? Or for her birthday. I told her I was trying to find music to play on my viola, but I couldn't find what I wanted to play. So I cleaned the entire house for the entire day. And she then said, to me, 'Not even a card!' [My 'signature thing to do for any even is make a complete hand-made card with every ounce of my artistic abilities poured into it]

Excuse me, Mom. I know you've had your own ankle injuries before. Do you think YOU can clean the house, to YOUR standards, in 3 HOURS, and make a card to MY STANDARDS (which normally takes 2 hours) when the only time you have if you wake up at 9am, eat breakfast and lunch, is a total of 3 1/2 hours in total? No!! I wasn't done cleaning the house when you got HOME! And when I did finish, my ankle was throbbing.

Sorry that I couldn't make you a card after cleaning the entire house, not even giving myself time to shower and dress and look pretty for you.

After the whole breakdown, and she went to bed, I had to keep my inner control... under control. Because I felt ignored and neglected. I feel like no one knows how the fuck I'm feeling right now. No one knows how much effort it's taking me not to burst into tears, grab a fucking knife, and stab and slice my legs repeatedly until there's blood covering most of my skin. No one knows how much effort I put in this goddamned smile when I'm seconds from crying. No one knows how bad I shake when I'm afraid. No one knows how much tolerance I have to continue doing the same thing each and every day, hoping for a different outcome. [for those of you who don't know, that IS the definition of 'insanity'] Don't forget the one thing no one really knows. What it's like to be me. Because you know what I do daily?

Keep smiling.

~Sharpie