The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

Entry #5 8-27-14

Give me TIME!!! I might get back into the swing of things! Right now I'm drinking tea. My love.

But yeah, so, I guess... I don't know. Let's just start somewhere.

So I see David 4 times a day. In the morning, between 3rd & 4th periods, lunch/band, and creative writing.

Well, what the hell, let's talk about David. So we got a new percussionist, who doesn't know shit about anything. And for the first time since I've ever liked David... I got JEALOUS. This girl... -so innocent-. I hoped she wouldn't start liking him.

But then he drove me home from marching band practiced and complained about her. I kinda got relieved.

.... Honestly, I just really want to be his. I want to date him. I don't like this feeling I have for him. It's so unfair.

Also! I just thought of a interesting idea. I'm not sure. I was thinking, that, the next time we're alone, we would do something like; truth or dare. I know it sounds weird, but it's an idea. Because there are things I want to know, and things I wanna say... But with no way of doing that with confidence. Soo, I'm sure things at one point or another will get awkward, but I do know this: I'm going to regret it. I just KNOW I'm not going to like something he says.

...

I don't know. Like, one thing that was on my mind is that even though we slightly talked about going to homecoming as friends... I want to squeeze his shoulders, shake him. And say, "BUT I WANT TO GO THERE AS A COUPLE, OR AS A DATE" ... Because I do. I want to be his.

I actually, deep down inside, want to be called his girlfriend. I want, like, 100 people in school to only know me as 'David's Girlfriend'.

I know it sounds pretty messed up, but.... I'm just being your stereotypical teenager. I really feel like I love him that much.

IN FACT. I never knew this was possible. But, it's like, every day when I see him, I fall in love again. Like, I fall in love with a man I'm already in love with.

The other day j was sitting at my US history class, and I remembered Saturday, when we were laying on my bed after watching BTTF (Back To The Future).. We were laying there in the dark. My room glowed and resonated from my TV. I remember looking at him, and we're laughing at something, anything... Like we were the happiest souls on Earth at that exact moment.

... And I smile like a dork.

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From here on out, the thoughts are quiet crazy.

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Ok. I think I got my current thoughts of David out. What else....? Ohh!

My body temperature has a schedule. Chemistry, Drivers Ed is normal. English, Math, and lunch, I'm FREEZING. Band I'm just exhausted, US history I'm sweltering... Then Creative writing I'm back to normal!

My body is a bitch, yes.

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Hmm....... Marching band. I have ALL of the songs memorized but ONE. Now I'm deciding to bullshit thorough that song. I can't get it. Shake a Tail Feather. God.

So, one of my leaders, Maggie, I think I had a bonding moment with her. We were talking about movies, our families, and music. It was awesome.

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Lately my mind has been growing a bit more, about my "sexual orientation". And it's a bit confusing. When someone asks.. I'll still say I'm DemiSexual. But right now, let's get into what I am.

I am a DemiPanRomanticSexual.

Long, right?

Demi--romantic: I am not romantically attracted to someone until after I get to know them.

Demi--sexual: I am not sexually attracted to anyone until after I get to know them.

-pan-: I'm okay with dating all sexes.

~Additional facts that only apply to me~

I can say that someone is beautiful or handsome... But that doesn't mean I'm attracted. In my case, I only call certain girls beautiful. Boys on rare occasions are handsome.

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I think I'm just trying to slap it all down right now. So I'm sorry if I'm confusing.

...

Well now I'm going to TRY and sleep with this weird cold. That not only stuffs ONE side of the nose... But it only does that when I'm slouching or laying down. Grr.

Keep Smiling!

-Sharpie.