The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

Entry# 26: 3-22-14

My radio alarm went off at 4:45am. I really didn't want to get up. So I played around on my phone , under my covers, when David texted me to get up around 5:10 in the morning. So I climbed out of bed at 5:15. I got dressed, made myself look pretty, and he was at my door, while I put on my last shoe, at 5:30am. I grabbed what I needed, and we went to the school. We arrived there around 6am.

Well, we were a half hour early! The bus to pick us all up was going to be there at 6:30am! Oh well. I got out of the car, and stretched my legs. I had my crutch with me, so I started twirling it. David said I should join color guard. Which, those are the people who twirl flags and stuff as part of the marching band if you didn't know. But I said no. I wanted to be part of drumline!

Eventually more and more people started to show up, and we were off to Northwestern University at 6:35! I was way too tired to be excited or nervous. But David and I smiled at eachother randomly.

Just as the day broke, we were on the highway. Our band teacher, stood up, an told us of all of the things we could do while we waited to play our pieces, or after. There was a music career class, and a concert of the Northwestern University Band. David and I went to both of them. Our 'performance' was at 1:55pm.

Before that, though, Spencer, David, and I put our instruments in the music room and walked around. Spencer is a fellow band friend who plays the clarinet. We walked around outdoors. I'm telling you.. This was the best 8am I ever had! From the bridge, you could see the city of Chicago. It was gorgeous. I took pictures of course. And along the 'shore' of Northwestern campus and the Michigan Lake, there were huge rocks. And a ton of them were painted on, all from past graduates. I couldn't tell you all of the designs. It was just so beautiful. There literally had to be 1,000 rocks that was a marriage proposal. It somewhat made me feel lonely, but they were so cute. I took pictures of those too.

I thought to myself, Damn I'm such a white girl.

Then, we went to the class at 9:30. They gave me a lot of things to think about. I liked it. We had eaten lunch after the class. Then, at 12:00 in the afternoon, was the concert. It was really cool. It was amazing! There was a percussionist who really caught my eye. He looked pretty cool.

After the concert ended, which was around 12:40, David and I decided to get at least an hour of practicing in, and we did. While we were waiting to get in by the judge though, my face was red hot, because of how nervous I was.

When we finally got in, I'll be damned if it was the percussionist I had my eyes on during the concert! But even as we played, I was extremely nervous. I messed up once, but I got back with David quicker than normally. And from the corner of my eye as I was playing, I saw him moving to our beat, and he really enjoyed it! I was proud of myself for that. When we finished, he told us his thoughts. He said that our dynamics were great, our timing was awesome too. There was just one part that we continuously played wrong. He didn't even mention our screw up. So, when we left we put our stuff back in the music room. And we talked about our performance on the way back.

[there is 3 possible scores you can get. 1, 2, or 3. 1 is the best score, and 3 is the worst]

I had been sure we got a 2. He was persistent on the fact that we got at 1. So, a half out later, our score was posted, and we got a 1!! I jumped for joy! We highfived, and intertwined our fingers, an smiled. We hugged it out a few times too. It was so exciting. Even though I felt like I almost died, I was sure we were going to do this again next school year!

Afterwards, we went to Spencer's performance, and we watched him. We thought he did a great job... But he only got a 2. He was disappointed, and we tried to cheer him up.

Although by the end of the whole experience, my ankle hurt sooo much. But it was sooo worth it!!

When we finally got back to the school, David drove me home, and he went home. We planned on him coming over after he changed into better clothes. My brother wasn't home, an he asked me to do the dishes. So, even though I felt like I shouldn't have to, I did anyway. David came over, and I was eating pizza rolls, so I could have my pain pill. All I really wanted to do was cuddle with David.

But then, yippee. My brother came home. Drunk. Great.

[which is, by the way, a secret. Ahem... Dad,,, please try to not tell??]

And, I've told you plenty of times that my brother steals David from me, yes? Looks like he can do it when he's drunk too. I was more than pissed.

So, to help my brother sober up, I made him a soft pretzel, and pizza rolls, without telling them why I was mad. I was going to go to my room, but they were persistent on keeping me down there. So I just decided to keep cleaning. I was infuriated, that I had to cover for him. When I was done helping, I lied down on the couch. They both perpetually said 'thankyou' and ' I love you' over and over again. All I replied with was 'yeah.'

Because if they really loved me, Collin wouldn't have stolen David or got drunk, and David wouldn't have abandoned me.

Collin did eventually sober up, and he asked again who I'm so mad at. And David too asked why.

I finally said, "Oh, I don't know! Collin comes home drunk, and I have to cover for him so I wouldn't be terrified of the yelling and screaming. And I get no attention. I'm mad at both of you." And I went to bed.

They left. And I had texted David when he got home. All I'm going to say was it was a serious conversation saved just for us. But he learned a few things about me, that I was pissed, and I'm still in suffering, an I felt alone when I was with him. I'm not sure how he actually felt, but he let me blabber about everything that was on my mind, and he didn't show much emotion. I didn't care. I really didn't. Both him and Collin know that I request something big from this, because I shouldn't have to deal with it. It was hard. So I just went to sleep. And thanks to the drugs (of my pain medication) I didn't have any dreams.

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Note from the author: I wrote this entry the morning after, and then the app for Wattpad kept deleting every time I tried to add another entry. I was getting pissed again. So that's why this entry was late.

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Keep smiling.

-Sharpie.