The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

Entry #9: 3-4-14

[Im writing in the cafeteria room for Late Start]

I didn't want to wake up today. I had no desire to wake up today. No matter what I tried to convince myself with.

But I had to. And the cat was being mean. I only had two minutes to decide what to eat. So I grabbed a burrito and a soda, and left for school.

Thank god for late start. I'm always happy to sit by David. Even if he's working on homework. (Which is another feature I love about him, he cares so much about his grades and his future) I also, deep inside the depths of my desperate soul, hope for Mac to sit by me.

Gosh my heart is so annoying.

You know what else is annoying? RJ. He was tapping my headphones, that was on my ear. And everytime he did it, it really hurt. So I chocked his wrist. It really hurt him. Oh well. Then he did it again so I jabbed his side. I got really angry for some reason. But then he jabbed me back, and that makes me squeal and giggle. Ugh. Fuck you RJ. (I think I have a love-hate relationship with him too, just not as extreme as David's is)

[Writing in the hallway]

Speaking of David, I'm sitting next to him in the hallway. And he's talking to someone else about how he asked someone out. I really can't give you the details... Because that's invasion of privacy. And because I blasted my music before I heard any more about it. It kills me on the inside. Stick-a-knife-in-my-heart-and-twist-it type of kill. Ugh.

This is actually really hard. Really really hard. Ow. I took them off for 3 seconds, and then she came over. The guy David was talking to was all like, "You two look cute together!" So the sound-proof headphones got put back on. And I continued my journal. It's only 8:25 in the morning, and my Tuesday already feels like it's ruined.

This is where I start arguing with myself saying that I already knew we would never be anything more than friends, versus all of the things he's done for me and how he should know not to do this around me after one incident...

But I won't annoy you with that.

The bell rung and I wanted to just stay in the hallway an sulk. But, obviously that would attract attention I didn't want. So I went to class.

[Now I write in Study Hall]

I was sulking. I really couldn't help it. RJ really wanted to know what was wrong. But I didn't tell him.

He was still wondering what was wrong in study hall. But I still didn't tell him. So he worked on his math, and I drew.

When it was time to go to band, I have to use the elevator to get there. First, my ride was 20 minutes late. Then come to find out, the elevator was fucking broken.

I know one thing for sure. If you wake up in a bad mood, or you get in a bad mood in the morning, the rest of the day will be bad. And that's exactly what happened. So I used the extra time to try and catch up in English class. Well... I tried. Now I'm 70 pages behind.

But during English class... I was daydreaming...

I walk up to Mac after school, with a blank look on my face. He can tell there's something wrong. He looks at me with wonder. I shook my head and looked down. He seemed to be generally worried. He grabbed my arm, and I didn't even have the chance to look up at him, and he held me against him. He held me. And I started crying into him. My face on his chest. I wrap my arms around him and cry, "Don't let me go.."

Hhmmmm. Wait a minute. He's the same height as me. My head wouldn't be on his chest...

I only remember one guy who was ever tall enough for me to lay my head on his chest. It was my ex. I remember our last hug.

He held me against him. My hands the same level as my head, on his chest, and my eyes watered. When was the next time I'm going to see him?

That's what I was thinking at the time. Right now, just wish someone actually would do that to me right now. I miss his hugs. Is it bad for me to miss that? I don't miss him... Just the hug. I can easily live without him.

I also know that Mac isn't here at school. So that wouldn't happen. Oh well. That's fine. It's okay. I guess. Maybe I'm feeling physically lonely, aside from being romantically lonely.

Ahhh.... I guess I'll live for now. I haven't seen David since this morning. And I'd like to keep it that way. I really don't want to see someone who can bend, break, mend, swell, and sway my heart so easily right now. Seriously.

[At home]

When I got home, I got to relax, eat some pizza rolls and watch Food Network. I still felt like today was a crappy day, then, my mom said that we were having Lima beans with dinner.

"Really?!? Yes!! Lima beans can make any bad day to a good one!!"... Don't judge me.

Afterwards, I helped prep dinner by cutting potatoes. And as well as make dessert. (Strawberries with sugar drizzled on top) I actually had forgotten how delicious they were! I love strawberries.

[In bed]

But the good mood had turned for the worse of course. Mom got really mad that neither me or Collin, did the did she's while she slept. So she did them. That may not seem so bad. But I know. You know. Everyone knows. When your mother is mad. She's mad. I'd hate to use "the spawn of Satan" for my mother, because that's untrue. But, we all know, the last person to piss off is your mother.

I was even guilty to eat dinner.

But after we ate dinner and did the dishes, I went up to my room to clean the cat box and take a shower. Instead I read on this website for an hour. Oops. Oh well.

Then I remembered that I needed to finish this entry of the journal. And that, I did.

--

Hoped you enjoyed my day, I know I didn't, and have a Good Aftermorvening.