The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

Entry #29: 3-31-14

So I got to start the morning to the song "Happy". Great. Just what I needed. When I finally got up, I couldn't control my thoughts really.

I was fully dressed and ready to go 10minutes early when I looked into my own eyes in the mirror. With the mere thought of At least we're still best friends, and the shot of pain in my eyes was too much. I looked away.

No matter what I say, you could easily see the suffering in my eyes. I felt them tear up. I blinked them away, and walked out.

And I stood at my door. Just waiting. Waiting for my ride to pick me up. Just like how I had been waiting for David for the past year. Doing all that I could for him. And for what? To be told I'm loved like a sister.

I blinked the tears away yet again. Fuck.

And at school? In the morning, I was isolated. No one was near me. And I blasted my ears off with music.

Writing this journal had brought that stupid liquid to my eyes as well.

How was I going to last all day like this?

I cried before first hour anyway.

I was silent as long as I could be.

Although in study hall, RJ tried cheering my sorry ass up by showing me some vines. Made me smile a little. Eventually he made me laugh.

But I was back to being sad after Spanish. I got to meet up with David at his locker, and he said the cuts from the cat hurt. I said mine hurt all of the time. Then he looked at me.

"Are you hurt?" He asks, obviously talking about last nights conversation.

"Sure" I respond monotonly.

I really didn't want to talk to anyone about it. About how I feel. Because to them, I'm just a silly teenager with a silly crush. It's more than that.

Anyway, during band, someone that I kind of know said that everytime I post on social media that my cat is licking my scalp, she laughs. She likes how weird my cat is.

Apparently in band, there were a few instruments that were broken. When our director was done trying to fix them, he says, "Well I hope the rest of you didn't come back more broken than before!" And I thought David said that I returned more broken than before. Turns out he said that my cat broke him. Oh. I heard wrong.

...I mean, not like what I thought he said wasn't true...

Whatever.

Ugh. Knowing me, myself, and I.... It's going to take me a few days to feel back to my normal self. I might be a little distant from David. But, you know, somewhat normal.

I wasn't hungry for most of the day....then 10th hour study hall came around. I was really hungry.... I hate this stupid feeling of heart break. I feel like an elephant.

<Fun fact of the day!!> Did you know that elephants can die from heart break? When their loved one passes away, they get so sad they stop eating, and eventually die as well.

When I told this to RJ, he said I ruined his day because he loves elephants.

Of course that's one a the few things that made me smile today.

Also in 10th hour study hall, a kid had to do 25 push ups for being late to class. It was somewhat entertaining.

On yet another random note: I like to tell my horoscope to go fuck its self.

I did feel very sad all day... But I came home to a very energetic 4year old. And we did arts and crafts together. And I felt happy. That's what I needed. A innocent little girl to show me you don't need romance to be happy.

I mean, yeah, I really really want it. From David. But at least we can be best friends. So I can smile.

YAY. I can smile again!!

See? It doesn't take too long for me to get over it. I'm strong. Even when I'm broken beyond repair, I can pull myself together.

How cute. Little kids are so innocent. I wanted to say to her, "You better not ever grow up. It's a trap, baby girl!" And smile.

And I got to have some cookies too.

By the end of the day though.. I realized. I'm obviously not "over" David. I might cry again tomorrow. My hormones are a mess. I remember when I broke up with my one and only ex. I was happy the first two days, crying the next three. Happy for about a week. Got really lonely for another week, and then I was finally happy.

So I have a feeling that I'll be like that this time too. But I know for sure I'll at least will have him as one of the closest friends I've ever had!

Keep Smiling!

~Sharpie.