The Daily Journal of an Average Teenaged Girl

Entry #77: 5-18-14

I woke up this morning to my cat super uper cuddly. It was adorable. I updated all of my social media, and got out of bed. Ate pizza. (Take note it was 12 in the afternoon) I then took a shower, and slapped on some makeup.
I apparently smelled like cat, which pissed me off, because my mom gave me a fucking attitude about it. Sorry. I can't do shit about it. And the whole ride to the ice cream event, I was so tempted to just decide that I made the wrong choice. Because my mother has an attitude that could piss a Buddha off.
But, I finally got to see Emily. I was SO going to do an intro for her! I was. But... Something happened. Tell you later.
But her and I got our ice-cream. And I needed milk, so we went to Jewl. And holy shit! I found Mountain Dew in a bottle, and bought some... JUST TO MAKE RJ AN DAVID JEALOUS. MWAHAHAHA.
Speaking of David, Emily and I talked more details about the Awcko Covos. Because she was curious. And she reads the journal!
There was a fucking iguana at this car show. AN IGUANA. Let that sink in. AN IGUANA!!!!!!!
Hmmm, let's see. Am I leaving anything out, aside from probably accidentally skipping details? No? Ok.
In the car ride back home, I let my imagination free. But it decided to turn around and bite my ass because it gave me a horror show.
So, basically, in the daydream, a guy named Matt, (who by the way, always makes sexual remarks about Alex and David) was pissing me off again. In the dream, he said something that triggered me.
As soon as he said this words, my eyes widened, and David face looked at me with concern. And my head became foggy. I was screaming. I could feel it. I was screaming as the images of the past filled my head, and I couldn't stop screaming. I lost it. I looked up at the teenaged boy who was looking at me, terrified. I yelled, "WHO ARE YOU?! WHERE AM I?!" As tears streamed down my face. My body was trembling. This boy was trying to comfort me, and suddenly I vomited. But there wasn't much, since there was next to nothing. I was still shaking. Moaning in pain. Crying. And as I finally came back to my senses, my eyes were red from crying. My voice was gone from screaming. There were no one in the halls, except for David, who was somewhat cradling me, worried. Matt, who was frozen in fear looking at me. Alex was staring at me, who David tripped over trying to get to me. And some random adult from the school. Probably there to take to a hospital or something. I turn my head into David chest and cry, "Please don't let them take me away."

So, with that very cut-down daydream, and real memories mixed in, does not call for a very subtle Sharpie. In fact, it makes an uneasy Sharpie. Sharpie needs a hug. From David. Why David? Because he seems to be the only one who knows how to care for a situation like this. For when I'm in this state, it's like I'm 7 again.
And that, my readers, is why I'm a bit bland. I want to shudder and... cuddle into David, or even Libby, just to feel safe. Because my memories don't keep me safe. I would try to text, or even call David, but he's busy. And I don't want to bother him.
I apologize. I go into these really creepy... phases. Where I just imagine me in the worse condition I could possibly think of. And I desire it. And I don't know why.
But I really need to talk to David. He promised me, a long while ago, that he'd listen to me. To what happened to me. Why I am the way I am. I want him to know. He's the closest person to me. Next to Libby, and after my Dad.
I have to take deep breaths to help me recover from my dangerous mind. But I just have to remain positive!
Keep Smiling.
~Sharpie