"It's Not Love If It Hurts" //5sos

/43/

Annie was weak for the next three days.

It wasn't the weakness of malnourishment- Calum made sure she was well fed- or of injury- physically, Annie was fine. But this was the weakness of a depression, a dark cloud that had descended over her and left her frail and without energy. Every day, a few times a day, she dragged herself out of bed, to the bathroom, and back. That was it. Annie had made her bed on the floor once more, not having been able to handle sleeping in a bed. It made the nightmares a little bit better, but not by much. When she woke, she realized she was safe, that it was just a nightmare much quicker, but then the guilt set in.

She had been fine for a solid week, almost two. Annie was sure that before too long, she'd get over the nightmares too. And then she had another attack, and could practically feel herself regressing back to how bad she used to be.

One day, Calum came and laid next to her in bed. "Annie, I want you to know that I love you." He said, his words sounding as though he had practiced them. "I'm not upset at this happening, and I want to help you. I know it's not easy. But we can do this."

He carried her to the living room, had her sit next to him on the couch. They watched a movie, and Calum didn't pressure her to say anything or do anything. Annie got better slowly, and the longer she sat next to Calum the better she felt. It was almost as if his warmth warned her up from the inside out. That night, she asked him to kiss her. He stared into her eyes, not saying anything, but trying to let Annie know how much he cared for her, and how much he wanted to help. Then he kissed her, and she had to admit to feeling much better afterwards.

That night, Annie slept in her bed again. Life went on. There would always be regressions, there would always be tough days, but when she had the people we loved there to support her, Annie knew she could make it through the toughest of days.

****************************

The next few days weren't that eventful.

Annie went with Calum to work one day, so she could see what Johanna had to say about the plan. After the meeting, she and Johanna talked in detail about the different things that had happened in the boys careers, and how much of it was accident, and how much of it was planned. Johanna confirmed or denied all of Annie's theories, resulting in some interesting conversation. Despite Johanna's cold persona, Annie could feel some strange variation of a friendship forming.

When Annie was leaving the building with Calum, Mikey had ran up to tell Calum something important about one of there songs. He accidentally brushed against Annie, and as soon as he left she disappeared into the bathroom, throwing up her lunch. Her recession had some lasting effects, it seemed.

The next day, she stayed back home. She was in a quiet, reminiscent mood, and for whatever reason at that moment Annie remembered the way things used to be. She remembered how she used to be so afraid. The main difference was, she used to be afraid of both Mikey and Calum.

Annie remembered back to one of the first times she ran away. Calum had caught her, and drove her back to their tour bus. That was back when Annie was Mikey's toy, as they so kindly had called her. In the car, Calum had cornered her in the backseat.

  'Please..... Don't.' Annie had whispered as Calum loomed over her.

  A black eyebrow raised teasingly. 'Don't what?' He asked, his voice low.

  She turned away. 'You know.'

  'I don't think I do. Enlighten me.'

  Fury had spiked in her mind at his words. 'I am not some playtoy, I'm a human being, and I have a free will. Goddammit, Calum! I don't need to tell you, you already fucking know. Stop playing with me! Don't kiss me, don't touch me, don't rape me and don't kill me! I shouldn't have to spell it out for you, you a-hole! Just get away from me, leave me alone, let me go!'

  Annie winced, remembering a memory she would much rather forget.

  A shadow seemed to fall over his features. He leant forward, and grabbed her hands when she tried to push against him, pinning her wrists above her head.

  'Let's get one thing straight, Princess. You're my captive, I fucking kidnapped you, you are mine to use and to hurt and to do whatever I want to, got it?'

  Annie was shaking with emotion. He loomed over her, his threat hanging in the air.

  'No.' She choked out, her voice cracking with effort but filling the silence of the car regardless. 'No, I'm a human being. I belong to myself, you're not in control of me, I still have freedom. So get off of me.'

  Annie's tone was full of ice, full of fight. And for a moment, Calum didn't move. Annie didn't move. It was as the whole world stopped moving, all together, at once, hanging in suspense.

  Calum's foot kicked out, tearing through the silence. The works started spinning again, life started again. His foot tore through the air, and hit Annie's calf painfully hard. She gasped, and he jumped in, kissing her.

  Annie fell on the ground, as if she had just been kicked in real time. She was torn from the memory, and left shaking. She didn't want to remember the way Calum used to be. She didn't even want to remember the way she used to be.

  After Calum had kissed her, Annie bit him, making him furious. He had kicked her again, and left, going around to the drivers seat of the car. He drove them to the tour bus, and when they hot there, led her inside, and started pulling down her pants.

  Annie yelped in surprise, fighting to pull her pants back up as he pulled them down. She knew she wouldn't win that battle, and instead reached a hand around to his neck, finding one of his pressure points and pressing it down. He had yelped.

  'A pressure point, really?' Calum said loudly, letting go of her pants to smack her arm.

  'Yes, and I'd prefer to stay clothed, thank you very much.'

  He snarled, an expression that never suited him. 'I'm just trying to help you live. Mikey is extremely p.issed at you, and when he gets back, it'd be to your benefit if you were naked. It'd remind him that your his toy, and after all, no one would break their own toy.'

  Annie sat up, blinking and rubbing her eyes. She had always hated that name- toy.

  I'm not a f,ucking toy, you s.hithead." She'd said, taking a step forwards. 'I'm still a human being, just like you.'

'That's a lie,' he'd argued. 'Ever since we kidnapped you, you've became a little toy. Michael's little toy, for him to kiss and touch and dominate, and he has. You aren't your own person anymore- just something to be used and tossed out.'

  Annie felt sick to her stomach. All she could remember was Calum's icy words, his angry demeanor, his physicalness. She remembered every light slap he'd given her- light only in comparison to Mikey's.

  Annie felt so stupid. What was she doing? He'd be back any minute, scowling and hitting her and telling her they should 'take it to my bedroom, why not?' He'd be here, any moment, and Annie was a sitting duck. He was going to hurt her. He was going to pin her up against the wall, cooing about his toy as he pulled her pants down.

  She needed to come up with a plan. She ran to the kitchen, digging through the drawers, ashamed for not knowing where the knife drawer was. So stupid, so stupid.

  Annie found the drawer, pulling out the first knife- a sharp, study steak knife- right as Calum opened the door.