"It's Not Love If It Hurts" //5sos

/155/

  Johanna was messing around in the kitchen, Annie and Calum still sitting right next to each other, not saying a word. Annie inhaled slowly through her nose, closing her eyes and relaxing. "You smell like Christmas."

  Calum remembered that night that Annie had tried making them a romantic dinner, but ended up falling asleep waiting for him. He'd woken her up, the mixture of candles she'd set up on the coffee table all burnt to puddles of wax, leaving the entire house smelling of all the different scents combined together.

  "Silly, silly Annie. Trying to burn down the house without me, tsk tsk," he had joked, and the still barely awake Annie's eyes had grown wide as she sat up, looking at the coffee table. Some of the candles were still burning, but a few had completely burned out, leaving clumps of multicolored wax on the coffee table.

  Calum had stood above her, laughing at the carnage. He bent over and blew out the candles before turning back to Annie, and sniffing the air dramatically. "What's that smell?"

  Calum remembered Annie's pout, her arms over her chest, smiling shyly. "Don't be mean."

  "No, no, I smell something, very specific." He scrunched up his nose, sniffing the air dramatically. "That's it! It smells like someone set Christmas on fire!"

  Then Annie had laughed, and she grabbing Calum by the collar of his shirt and pulling him down into a kiss. "You're ridiculous."

  Calum loved that memory. He couldn't help it- it was back when Annie was recovering, but it was still pretty bad. She'd made a lot of progress since then, even if on a day to say basis it wasn't as obvious. But she left the house, even driving on her own to self defense class or community theater. She smiled wider and laughed longer. Calum held her without fear of pushing her boundries, because he now knew her boundries, and knew that she would tell him if anything was wrong.

  She was doing so well, and honestly, it made Calum feel a little guilty. Here she was, doing amazingly, on her feet and smiling and wanting to move forwards, and then Calum had to go and mess everything up with that stupid panic attack. Now, he could barely touch his girlfriend, and he couldn't find any words important enough to say. Would he even get better?

  "You're scowling," Annie whispered.

  It took Calum a moment to realize she was talking to him because she was looking straight forwards, leaning on her knees.

  Calum looked forewords too. I'm sorry, he thought.

  "You're going to get better," she reassured, as if she knew just what he'd be scowling about. "I know it. You got better after the car crash. You can get better after this. It just might take a little time."

  I don't want it to take some time, I want to be fine now! He wanted to scream, but it felt like he couldn't even open his mouth.

  Annie looked behind them, at the couch they were leaning on. They were staying in a different room than last time, but it was set up the same. "You remember when we were here the first time? I had that attack, because Michael touched me?"

  He remembered. He and Ashton had to fight Annie, had to try to restrain her so she didn't hurt anyone, including herself.

  Annie took his silence as an answer. "When I got out of it, blindfolded, bruised, and in pain, you were holding me against your chest. I realized what had happened, and I cried when I asked you if anyone was hurt. You said no one was. That was a lie."

  It had been. Luke was hurt, so was he, so was Ashton. The only reason Michael wasn't is because if he'd tried intervining, the boys would've thrown him out in the snow.

  Annie kept looking forewards, remembering a night that seems so long ago, when it was only a few months. "That night, you held me, and took care of me as I recovered. And that's what I'm doing now. We can't all be strong all the time, not even you." She smirked a bit at this, looking at her feet. But then she looked up, watching Calum carefually, knowingly. "Take however much time you need. I still love you, even if it isn't convienent."