"It's Not Love If It Hurts" //5sos

/159/

  "You made scrambled eggs?" Annie asked, a yawn cutting her sentence in two.

  Calum nodded, concentrating on the task at hand like if he looked away from the eggs for a milisecond, they would erupt in flames.

  "Did you sleep at all last night?" Annie asked, trying to prompt him to speak.

  She glanced behind her, to the living room. A bundle of blankets laid on the couch, a pillow on the floor.

  "Yeah," he said, his voice gruffer than normal. "A little bit."

  It wasn't a lot, but Annie was glad he was saying something. She waited, not sure what to do. The tension in the room was too high for so early in the morning. "Well... can I do anything to help?"

  He stirred the eggs, his eyes dark and wide, trying to focus and get words to come out in the right way. "I... you could slice some cheese for me. There's no cheese grater here."

  It wasn't much, but Annie was happy to help. "Yeah, sure."

  She dug through a few of the drawers before finding a knife, and began slicing the block of cheddar. Calum gave her an uncomfortable look before turning back to the eggs.

  "So... what are you thinking about?" Annie asked, unable to read his expression.

  He pursed his lips. "I'm wondering if giving you a knife is a good idea or not," he replied honestly.

  Annie cracked a little smile. "Probably not. But it's not like I'm going to stab anyone."

  He tooked the spatula out of the eggs, tapping it against the side of the pan and taking a slow step towards Annie, tilting his head up to reveal the scar on his jawline. It was faded, and unless you were paying close attention you wouldn't see it, but his meaning was obvious.

  Annie rolled her eyes, going back to the cheese. "That was one time."

  "Mikey would say otherwise."

  "Michael..." Annie drawled out, to prove her point, "...isn't here."

  Calum chuckled, shaking his head. As if jolted by a sudden decision, he dropped the spatula against the side of the pan, turning around and marching up to Annie. The knife clinked against the counter, wobbling as Calum whipped her around, grabbing her by the hips and yanking her forwards. "I changed my mind. I don't trust you with that knife."

  A little chuckle was heard behind him, and they both turned to look at the source. Johanna leaned against the wall, chuckling at them. "Is that what passes as 'dirty talk' between you two?"

  Calum dug his fingers harder against Annie's hips possessively. "Can you just.... not be here right now?"

  She smirked at them, taking her sweet time. "I was just about to go take a shower. Give me a minute to get my stuff."

  "Do you really need it?" Calum growled out, his grip getting even tighter around Annie's waist.

  "Do you really need your paycheck?" Johanna retorted lightly, turning to collect her stuff. Calum turned back to look at Annie, holding still until they heard the bathroom door shut.

  Annie looked at him, her expression firm. "Calum, let go." Her tone was icy, and it took Calum aback, immediately letting go.

  The dark expression faded, replaced with a worried one. "What's wrong?"

  She looked down, pressing her fingertips lightly against the denim of her jeans, feeling where his hands were. They were going to leave bruises. "That hurt," she muttered, refusing to look at his face. All of a sudden, it wasn't Calum in front of her, it was Michael, with the red hair from when he had messed with her. And maybe this time, it was Calum who was pressing his hands into her hips, but at one point, it was Michael. And that wasn't okay.

  "I'm not a toy," she hissed, shoving him back. Calum didn't put up a fight, holding his hands up in surrender.

  "I know Annie, you're not a toy. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

  "I'm taking a walk," she decided, closing her eyes and exhaling shakily. "Save me some eggs?"

  "Annie-"

  "Save it," she snapped, then forced herself to regain her composure. "I... I'm sorry. I need some time."

  He nodded, not saying anything. Annie stumbled back to her room, pulling on warmer clothes.

  A few minutes later, Annie was trekking through the snow, her hands in her coat pocket, a warm hat covering her ears. She was still cold, but she didn't care.

  How did this happen? She wondered. Everything was going so well.

  She wanted everything to be perfect again. Was that too much to ask for? Just to go back in time, just to be able to enjoy those slow kisses and relaxed cuddles again?

  Either way, it wasn't an option. Annie had to be rational.

  Why is he being this way?

  Probably because of the panic attack. It obviously wasn't just a little thing. Annie rubbed her temples, trying to forget that night. She wasn't proud of how she reacted.

  What can she do to help?

  That was a lot harder to answer. On one hand, Annie wasn't sure if she could help. On the other...

  She didn't know. It was a confusing, jumbled mess. Annie wished things could just be easy.

  Annie wasn't sure what she needed to do. But one thing was sure; she had to calm down. If she and Calum wanted to figure this out, it wouldn't be any help to either of them to be obstinate, or tense, or upset. They needed to be able to talk, rationally.

  It was too cold. Annie's head hurt too much. And all this drama was too annoying.

  But life wasn't made to be convinient. So Annie kept walking, her hands in her pockets, watching her breath in the cold air and trying to relax.

  She just needed to breathe.