A/N: I'm changing the book so Annie never got her hair cut/dyed so it's still medium/long and she's still a redhead.
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"Johanna's going to kill me when she gets back tomorrow."
Luke snorted. "That, I can't wait to see." Annie rolled her eyes. "No, really. I actually ship Johannie."
Annie scoffed. "Johannie? You made up a ship name for me and Johanna?"
They were in the car, driving back from the mall. Luke turned his body so was facing away from Annie, focusing more on the road. "Well, yeah. I mean, I like the idea of you two together better than the idea of you and Calum."
It was as simple as that, just one sentence, to completely ruin the mood.
Annie looked at her hands, embarrassed. "Luke, let's not talk about that."
"Why not?" He asked, his tone quickly turning frustrated.
"Because it's not something we talk about!" Annie tried to calm down, soothing her voice. "Because it's one of the subjects that we steer clear of. We have to, otherwise it gets uncomfortable."
Luke scoffed, but this time it wasn't jokingly. "Oh yeah, one of those many topics we've subconsciously agreed on. What are the others, again?"
Annie felt her cheeks heat up. "The fact that we've both kissed Calum."
"Well, if we're letting everything out then let's also mention the fact that we've both slept with him."
Annie didn't argue, even though she and Calum hadn't necessarily done that yet.
"Come on Annie. What else. What else is it that we don't talk about."
"We don't talk about me and, erm... Michael."
Luke rolled his eyes. "We don't talk about it yet it runs your life. Just accept it already. He had sex with you, what, twice? Against your will, yes, but that was months ago. Eventually you have to get better."
Annie looked out the window, refusing to look at him. "I can't just get over it."
"Why not? Do you want to die still freaked out about something that happened twice? You'll be much happier if you just let it go!"
Annie stomped on the floor of the car, whirling around to face Luke. "I can't! I can't decide to just let it go, I can't just get over it, I can't just move on just like that! I didn't want it to happen in the first place, and it did. I didn't want to have to be traumatized by it, but I am. And I didn't want to recover from it, but here I am! I'm sitting here, talking to you even though your best friend raped me, sleeping over in the same house that I was raped in, fuck, even talking to my rapist who still is a free person because I didn't press charges! And all this time, through all the screaming and crying, from my body being taken control of to loosing control of my body altogether, and I've never gotten any recognition for it! I've gone through so much, and I wish for once, someone could tell me that what I went through was hard. I wish someone would tell me that it was difficult, that it's okay that I'm struggling, because I'm doing a good job! I wish for once, someone could just give me recognition!"
Luke didn't respond.
"My parents were the same way," Annie said, her voice cracking. "I never got a shred of recognition from them either. My sister took after my weak-willed mom, and my brother took after my aggressive, temperamental dad. And I was all alone, trying to find myself when no one gave a shit." She paused. "And I made something of myself. I got a job, an apartment, worked from the ground up. And not once has anyone ever told me that it was difficult. Not once has anyone been proud of me."
Her voice broke, and she stared out the window glumly, though in all honesty she wasn't really paying attention to what was outside. She had been holding that in for so long, and now that it was out she didn't know what to do.
"I couldn't of done that." Luke said quietly, so quietly Annie didn't think she heard him right.
"Hmm?"
"I couldn't have done that." He repeated, a little louder this time. "I couldn't have made my identity without the help of my family. I couldn't be brave enough to live on my own without any support. And... if that were to happen to me, that thing... that happened to you... I don't think I'd be so recovered by now."
The car was quiet. Luke focused on the road as he turned into their neighborhood.
Annie inhaled shakily. "No ones ever told me that." Silence. "I always thought I was doing horribly, with my recovery I mean. That's what it always seemed like."
Luke shook his head, still refusing to look at her. "You're doing really well. Just because it takes time to recover doesn't mean your taking too long." He licked his lips, uncomfortable with the situation. "I'm sorry I told you you're get over it."
"Thanks," Annie said breathily. "I... really needed that."
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A/N: This book is a lot more dramatic when you realize all of Annie's changes of moods reflect my mood swings and that this talk about her recovery from rape was actually about my recovery from depression.
