Strong arms wrapped around Calum, giving him a big hug. "Finally you're here. It's been so boring lately."
Calum blinked, trying to wake up from his daze. "Isn't Ashton... and the um... um... the other one here?" he stumbled, but Luke caught him, giving him a slightly worried look.
"Are you drunk?" He asked seriously, holding onto Calum to keep him from falling on his face.
Calum smacked his lips, his eyes hooded. "Nop, nip, nope! I have been sleeping for the past... twelve days."
Luke rolled his eyes happily, glad to have Calum back even if he was acting weird. "They really shouldn't serve alcohol to minors, which if you were flying from America, you are."
He put his arm around Calum's waist and lead him to the parking lot. It was amazing he'd made it this far on his own.
Calum chuckled, stumbling over his own feet. "I'm not a minor, I'm a, a, I'm, a..."
"Band member?" Luke suggested.
"A singer!" Calum announced, bucking his hips forwards. "I'm sing on an empty stage, in a bar room called Benny's. And I, and I, and my wifey Dannie-"
"Annie," Luke corrected, and was about to say that they weren't married when Calum cut him off, nodding seriously, wobbling on his feet.
"Pannie, right. She goes there every night, every night of the week, even Tuesdays!"
Luke lead them out to the parking lot, herding Calum to a shuttle stop as he saw the bus approaching fast. "Even Tuesdays. What commitment."
"And she sings too! We sing hEyo, wayo, heeey macarana, eyyyy!" He tried to show Luke the dance, rocking his hips back and forth dramatically, slapping the air in front of him. "And people give us roses!"
"Roses. Amazing." Luke half gave up on being gentle, and yanked Calum by the scruff of his shirt, walking fast and only stopping when they got to the shuttle stop. "What kind of roses?"
Calum hummed, swaying heavily. He smacked his lips, blinking his eyes slowly. "They're polka dotted," he said finally, puffing up his chest proudly. "Only the best for my and my spouse of twenty five years, the beautiful Hammie!"
"Annie," Luke corrected again, noticing a few other people at the stop giggling at them. "And you're not married, your dating. It's only been a few months."
"The best months of my life!" Calum proclaimed, diving forwards dramatically and almost running facefirst into the bus, if it weren't for Luke. "Why, ever since she's introduced me to heroine brownies, I've started seeing colors I didn't even know were real!" He spun on his heel, seductively smiling at Luke as he tried to regain his balance. "You can see the colors too. You just need to... believe."
Luke snorted, grabbed Calum by the elbow and pulling him to the shuttle. "I thought there was a rule about how much alcohol one person could have on a flight," he mused, not expecting an answer.
Calum stumbled up the steps, following giddily behind Luke, letting him push him into a seat. "Oh, they do." His accent was just about completely gone, replaced with a weird, Thomas Sanders voice ad Calum wiggled his eyebrows. "I tipped the air hostess a few bills and a little bit of," he clicked his tongue, trying to be flirty but failing miserably.
Luke noticed a few people with their phones out, recording them. He sighed, hating this part. "Please stop recording him, and don't post the videos. I need you to delete them."
Calum winked at them cheekily. "Or keep them. Put them in your... private folder."
"Oh my God, Calum."
"Use in your... alone time."
"Shut up."
"When you're... getting biz-ay." He winked with both eyes, enjoying the giggles he was getting.
Luke turned to him, shaking him lightly. "I need you to calm down. We'll be at the car soon, just be quiet til then." He waited, trying to guess whether or not Calum heard him. "Yeah?"
Slowly Calum leaned in, and Luke just had time to think 'what is he doing?' before Calum licked the pole in between their seats, trying for a seductive face.
Luke's mouth fell open in disgust. "You kiss your girlfriend with that mouth?"
Calum hummed proudly, leaning forwards. "I kiss... everyone with this mouth."
"You're going to die."
"Probably one day."
"No, today. Today you are going to die of some horrible STD you got from licking that pole."
"If you want, I could lick another po-"
Luke slapped his hand over Calum's mouth in horror. He looked back at the other passengers, giving a pleading expression. "Please delete those videos."
Calum licked Luke's hand, causing him to take it away, completely grossed out. Luke rubbed his slimy hand on Calum's jeans, and Calum moaned. "Mmmhmm. Right there."
An older lady on the bus gasped. "The indecency!"
"No, it's not what it looks lik- Calum, stop it!"
Calum had started fiddling with Luke's hair, and while Luke definitely didn't dislike it, he didn't want Calum doing anything like that when he was drunk.
***********************************
"He'll be fine," she insisted, taking Calum from Luke's arms. Calum immediately gave his sister a bear hug, groaned as she hugged him back just as tightly.
Luke sighed, running a hand through his hair and looking at Calum worridly. "He's an idiot. Thanks, Mali."
She smiled, finally letting go of her brother. "He is an idiot. Calum, go take a shower, you smell."
Calum did a little eyebrow dance. "Only if Luke comes with."
"Shower, moran."
Calum nodded, stepping back slowly. He regarded his sister, and then turned to Luke. "Call me," he mouth, making a little telephone with his hand before sauntering off.
A/N: I was going to make the Christmas chapters all big and sappy and emotional and dramatic, but I changed my mind. Only happy stuff. Little bit of drama, but mainly happy stuff. Love you.
(Also, I'm changing the last smut chapter. It was too weird.)
ALSO GO BACK AND READ CHAPTER 120. IT IS CUTE DRUNK CALUM AND I MEANT TO PUBLISH IT A LONG TIME AGO BUT FORGOT. IT'S SUCH A GOOD CHAPTER GO READ IT NOW.
