I will never let you go - Marco Reus

47. I am out of the picture

Marta POV

I heard the entrance door closing and suddenly all around me there was quiet. I was breathing heavily and after a while I raised my head. Marco was standing next to the wall with his hands hidden in his pockets looking at me visibly relieved. In that moment all I wanted to do was to jump straight to his arms but unfortunately it would be only stupid. We looked into each others eyes and he came to me and sat next to me on the sofa.

Schatzi, I was so worried – he whispered reaching for my hand. He intertwined our fingers and I sighed quietly.

I needed some time – I looked at him and realized that he had dark rings under his eyes. – How is your ankle? – he looked at me with raised eyebrows – Mario told me.

It will be good in two weeks. It is nothing serious but I was not cleared to play. – he said sadly – Can I explain to you the whole situation? Please...

I just nodded in response.

Yesterday evening after our FaceTime Klara called me. She told me that she is pregnant with my baby. This news hit me like a rushing train and that is why I went out the hotel. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I was just strolling aimlessly through Berlin. I was devastated. I felt bad because everything started to work out between us and I was ashamed that I was not happy getting the news that my baby is coming to this world... - he said with trembling voice – Because of the sleepless night I was simply not of any use, and I didn't notice that Erik was coming to get a ball from me and I fell down spraining that shitty ankle. Thomas send me to the doctor right away and they decided that I should go back to Dortmund to meet our BVB doctors.

I nodded but remained silent.

Marta, I was not ignoring you, I am sorry if you felt that way. I simply didn't know how to say that to you. I asked Klara to come because I wanted her to explain everything to me. I didn't deceive you. I would never do that. She told me that she is now in the 9th week so that happened when we were still together. – he took a deep breath – I didn't want you to find out that way, I wanted some time to think this through. I am so terribly sorry, please forgive me and please don't be mad at me.

I swallowed hard and look into his beautiful green eyes that were now covered with moist veil.

Marco... I am not mad at you and I was never thinking that you have deceived me – I said and saw a loving sparkle in his eyes – But I am mad at the destiny that it doesn't let us be happy together.

He looked at me puzzled.

But Marta, we will be happy. I want to be with you. I will support Klara and the child, but I cannot imagine my life without you – he said in one breath.

I let go of his hand and stood up. I leaned my back on the wall, ran my hands through my face and after a few long seconds I opened my mouth.

No Marco. We won't. You can't do that to your own child. It deserves to have a full family. – when I said that words I felt like being stabbed in my heart. Marco raised himself from the couch and with big steps came to me shaking his head. He wanted to say something but I silenced him putting a finger on his lips. – Please let me finish... This is not easy for me – I nearly begged – I am not a monster and I will not take away the happiness of somebody who is so innocent in this whole situation that even does not have an opportunity to express their own opinion. This is a part of you, your own flesh and blood and it deserves the whole happiness of the world. I know that you have feelings for me, and I have them too. That is why saying that breaks my heart into pieces. But I cannot imagine you or your child hating me one day for taking you away from them....

But ... - he started and his voice was trembling.

Please let me. If you interrupt me I will not have the courage to say what I am going to say. – I whispered and he put his hands on the wall next to my head visibly struggling to stand still – I don't want you to face a difficult decision. I don't want you to hate yourself one day or regret the things that you have done. That is why I made the decision myself.

Marta what are you talking about? – he asked petrified.

I am out of the picture Marco. I putting myself there, and that is my decision. – I felt a tear running on my cheek. – I will disappear from your life not to make it harder for us both.

No... no... Schatzi please don't. Please tell me what can I do to change your decision – Marco jumped abruptly and started to tore his hair. He started to breathe heavily and I could see a trace of panic in his eyes. Oh God, why this is so difficult.

It is too late. And believe me, that is the hardest thing I had ever do in my life. – I whispered. – I am sorry. My heart is thorn into pieces. – I wiped my tear – I have to pack now.

He shook his head.

What are you talking about? – he raised his voice – Are you running away?

No. I am just disappearing for some time to make that easier for us both... - I said firmly.

Marco looked at me and I heard him breathing heavily, he opened his lips to say somthing but after a second he just shook his head. He approached me and I could feel his warm breath on my skin. Our lips approached and he kissed me lightly. I wanted to stop the kiss, but I simply didn't succeed. I returned the kiss and that was the most emotional thing in my life. It was sweet, full of loving and longing. The sweetest kiss goodbye.

I will never let you go – Marco whispered breaking our kiss for a while. He returned more passionately and I let myself go. I put my hands around his neck and he put his arms around my waist and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his hips and he, not breaking our kiss went to the bedroom.