God Bless The Broken Road (Jonathan Toews)

Family VS Hockey Part 2

Jonathan

As soon as that door closed I felt my heart drop. God, what did I do? I've been so over worked about this stupid strike that I didn't notice what's going on in my own home. I go to Jacksons room to see him on the floor drawing with Everly. I sit next to him and smile as he sticks out his tongue to focus and Everly copies his motions just scribbling everywhere. How cute can they be?

"What are you drawing" I ask.

"Mommy, Evie, and I playing at the park" he says and I frown. He wasn't drawing me in there because I wasn't there. I hadn't been there for a while really. I grab Evie and place her in my lap as he continues to draw.

"Can I ask you a question" I say turning to Jackson.

"Sure" he shrugs.

"Do you feel like I haven't spent time with you lately" I wonder.

"Not really. But my real parents didn't want time with me so I thought maybe it was me. I know mommy will always be there, she always has. She tells me every day how much she loves me. You used to too, but not lately" he concludes. Hearing that absolutely broke my heart. He was right. A little boy should know his parents love him and care for him and I haven't been doing that lately. And that little boy meant so much more to me than he will ever understand.

"I'm sorry buddy. It's not you, I promise. I'm just going through a rough time, without hockey I'm losing my mind. And the only thing that could make this better is if I spent time with you guys. You give me so much more than hockey ever could and I was stupid not to realize that sooner. I was stupid to push you away like this. It's not fair to you guys, but I'm afraid the damage is done" I sigh. I'm not sure how much of that he understood, but I needed to get that out.

"I still love you dad" he replies simply, causing me to smile.

"I know you do buddy. And I will always love you too" I assure him.

"Are you better now" he asks crawling into my lap with Everly.

"Yeah, I think so. I needed a wake up call, and man am I awake" I laugh dryly. I check my phone and wanted badly to call Maisie. To tell her I didn't mean those terrible words I said. I didn't mean to snap out like that but I was so tense and she got the worst of it. She was right, about everything. I see that now, but now it might be too late. I let out a long sigh and run a hand down my face.

"What's wrong" Jackson asks.

"I think your mom is mad at me" I admit.

"She doesn't get mad. She gets upset or sad, but never mad" he claims.

"I don't know little man, I really did it this time. How about we go practice some skills" I ask and he smiles brightly. I put Everly down for a nap and head down stairs to the basement. Jackson is already there stick in hand and that makes me smile. We mess around for a while and I have to admit I did feel better. Just to let off steam and have fun with my boy. I teach him some stick handling skills and he handles them to perfection. He might actually be better than I was at that age. When did he get so good? I guess a lot can change in a week, huh? We finish up training and go upstairs and feel my heart drop as I stand on the last step. I miss seeing her in the kitchen when I was coming up the stairs. I miss smelling the familiar Chicago Cut food. I miss watching her bop around to whatever song she was listening to while she was cooking. I miss hearing her laugh when I asked "what's cooking good looking". But that's my own fault.

I go to the tv and stare at the remote blankly, trying to figure out what to do. I wanted to turn the tv on and watch what's going on. To scream some more, but I know that doesn't help.