God Bless The Broken Road (Jonathan Toews)

Appreciation

Jonathan

I forgot how nice Winnipeg was around the Christmas time. There's always a thick layer of snow on the ground, perfect for snowball fights. Each house has a snowman and trail to the door for those brace commuters. Christmas lights fill the streets as little kids are out waiting for Santa to come. I never have time to appreciate the childlike innocence that Christmas brings around every year. What it's like to go to bed Christmas Eve so excited for the next day. Going out on the rink in new skates and the jersey you just got. To try and sneak out to catch Santa but only see that the milk and cookies gone. To see everyone so friendly and civil for just this once. That all gets lost when you get three days off for Christmas and one of them you're probably practicing. But now I can come home and actually enjoy it. Don't have to worry about my flight being on time or having to get back to Chicago. I'm relaxed and can have a family Christmas.

After we get settled in my parents house my mom tries her hand at Maisie's famous hot chocolate as we all gather by the fire place. Maisie sits with The Night Before Christmas in her lap as we sit on the floor with our drinks and Everly sticks to her milk. My mom holds her as Jackson sits next to me.

"Wow mom, this is pretty freaking good" I admit.

"Thanks, I had a good teacher" she replied sending a smile to Maisie.

We exchanged gifts with Nicole this morning before driving out. Patrick was out in Switzerland playing in their league until we got our team back so we said hi to Emma and Henry early this morning before taking the trek up here. We spent the rest of Christmas Eve day getting the presents set up and cooking for tomorrow. My brother will be in town but that's about it.

I listen to her read as her sweet voice repeats the words off the page without hesitation or a stutter. Eventually it gets late and it had been a long day so we all head to bed. Everly has a crib in our room and Jackson gets the spare all to himself.

"When do you want to tell your parents we're expecting again" she asks.

"Sometime tomorrow. Probably wait until my brother is here so I don't have to go through them going crazy again" I chuckle.

"Okay" she whispers as she turns to me. I see her blue eyes shine in the dark and kiss her nose.

"Can I ask you something" I wonder.

"You know the answer to that" she smiles.

"How come you know that story so well" I ask and she closes her eyes. Maybe this wasn't the best idea.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that" I admit.

"No, you're fine. Just wasn't expecting it. I didn't think anyone would notice that" she claims.

"Maisie I watch you every day. I love the hell out of you. I know when something means more to you than you want to let on, I know when you're hungry or just need space. I might not know why, but I know something's up" I defend.

"That story, it was my favorite as a kid. I never celebrated Christmas but I knew what it was. In class we would make Christmas cards, decorate fake trees, do Christmas crossword puzzles. I might not have understood why Rudolph was so special or why frosty needed a hat, but I knew the basics. Everything I knew as a kid I had to teach myself. I would spend hours in the library so I wouldn't have to go home. I've probably read thousands of books in my lifetime. But every Christmas since I learned how to read I read that book. I would try to imagine what St. Nick would look like. His white hair and rosy cheeks. Big belly and bellowing voice. But like most things in life that was all a fraud. I still loved the book even if such happiness avoided me for so long. I enjoyed reading it" she claims. It broke my heart that she didn't get the same experiences as I did. These past few years I didn't have the traditional Christmas, but it was better than none at all. I can't imagine being a kid not being able to have something like this to look forward to. To believe that things like Christmas was too good for me. That's crazy to me. I run my fingers through her hair as she cuddles in closer.

"I'm sorry you never really got to celebrate Christmas" I mumble.

"Please don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong" she says. I start to say something but she pushes her lips to mine. Her hands come up to my face as everything I wanted to say flew out my head. She was trying to distract me, and it was working.

I wake up Christmas morning to the smell of bacon and syrup. Not just any syrup, but the good syrup you can't find down in the states. I get Maisie up and we change before getting Everly situated and heading downstairs. Jackson was already on the ice with my dad and my mom was finishing up breakfast.

"How long have they been out there" Maisie asks my mom.

"Since the sun came up" she laughs. That's was one determined kid. He tried to tell me he would stop playing until I could play again but I wouldn't let him. No reason for both of us to be unhappy. They come in and we enjoy a nice meal. My brother joins us halfway through and we move to open presents. We sit down and hand my parents their present first. There was a blue baby onesie that said "worlds coolest little brother" and "the only cup I'm interested in is Stanley's" on it. It took them but two seconds to realize what was going on before completely freaking out on us.

"Oh my god! You guys are having a baby boy" my dad asks.

"Yup, due at the end of February" I smile.

"I new you were hiding something" my mom claims. Sureee. We finish opening presents and Maisie hands me a huge box.

"I thought this was for Jackson" I say questionably.

"Nope, you. Open it" she demands. I do as I'm told and see a beautiful guitar. Not only was it a great guitar, but it was signed by my favorite band, Pearl Jam.

"Holy hell, how did you find this" I ask.

"A family friend" she says sending a wink to Jackson. I tune it and play a few Christmas songs before putting it away. As time passed I realized how important it was to cherish the holidays, because as soon as you take them for granted it becomes harder to truly feel the Christmas spirit. I know since I've been playing in the NHL I've thought of the holidays as a distraction and time lost that we could be getting better. But now I see how important these things are. For our heart, our mind, our future.