God Bless The Broken Road (Jonathan Toews)

Child of Light

Jonathan

The first week with Everly was rough. Thank god we aren't in season because it was hard getting little sleep and taking care of a new born but we somehow made it through. Everyone says the first week is the hardest week and we did it. My parents did help a lot but it was time for them to go home. I think there's about a hundred pictures of the baby already floating around the internet and throughout my family. But I think Jackson loves her most, he naps with her, eats with her, helps her through bath time. The only time he isn't with her is when Maisie breast feeds and when he's training.

Today was the day I would talk to Dr. Williams about Maisie and her sessions upon her request. I was hoping it was going to go well because all I need was for her to run right now. Dr. Williams calls me back to her office and I sit in the couch before she sits next to me.

"Hello Jonathan, how are you" she starts.

"I'm good, how are you and the family" I ask.

"We're all good. And don't worry, you're not in trouble" she laughs.

"Good" I respond. Her husband Mike and I were good friends. He is a trainer here in Chicago and I loved going to his classes over the summer. They had the whole brain and muscle thing going on it was honestly one of my favorite relationships. He told me that Logan could help out and boy did she.

"Listen. I wanted you here to explain some things that I've been able to figure out. I've become very fond of Maisie and her ideals and I wanted to make sure you guys are on the same page. She wants nothing more than to make you happy, and I know she does. There's just some things she won't say but I feel like they need to be said. But I know she will never talk about herself so I figured I'd help her out" she shrugs.

"Of course, anything" I reply.

"Okay. I just want to start out with saying that's she's doing a lot better. She really loves you but was scared to give you her all because she didn't love herself, she didn't think she was enough. But she's come into terms with the fact that things are the way they are, that they've happened and there's not much she can change about it.

I'm not going to go into much detail because that's not fair to her, but she had a really terrible childhood. That type of upbringing is traumatizing and no matter how much therapy she goes through or how good her life gets, those things are always going to scare her. That's just how it has to be. For seventeen years she lived believing she wasn't meant to be happy, that's not something you just wake up and it's gone, even if she is waking up next to you.

She's always going to be scared of her past, but she shouldn't run anymore. I can't say she won't run because that's all she knows. But she's not going to run from her past... maybe the future. I'm not sure, but if you feel like she's getting over whelmed or something is bothering her, just listen. Sometimes she doesn't know what to say but if you ask the right questions or just let her know you're listening she'll tell you. And if all else fails you can always call me" she assures me and I nod.

"Wow. You guys covered a lot" I laugh.

"Her problem was a layered one. A lot of digging and a lot of reworking but she's in a good mind frame now" she tells me.

"That's good to hear. Anything else I need to know" I wonder.

"Two things. One is that she agreed to tell Jackson everything. When or how that happens is entirely up to her. It's her story it's her life, he will hear it from her lips. I'm not sure when but don't push it, it will come when she's ready. And once it happens don't think that it's all over, because it's not. It's just the beginning. She still has to live knowing what she knows and it's still going to be hard. Support her when she does tell him and make sure they're both in good mind frames. It sounds like a lot to do but it will all be worth it. I can promise you that.

And the last thing is that she feels a little... insecure. Knowing what she knows then seeing how you live, how you were raised, it's intimidating to her. She loves your parents as her own because they showed her things she had never seen before, what it's like to look up to parental figures who won't nearly kill her. She sees what you had and she's intimidated. She thinks she'll never be this girl who is into nice things or be great with your high end friends. It's scary to someone like her to go from the very bottom to the very top like she did. She only knows what she's been through and it's a lot of pain, then she sees you and thinks she's not good enough. That she'll never be the girl you deserve. That she isn't meant to be this happy. There's nothing you can do to fix that because she knows you love her and she knows that you're the one. But she still feels like she's not good enough. I just want you to know that that's the way she feels but she would never tell you because she doesn't want you worrying. She's afraid you'll change to make her feel secure but she loves you just the way you are... I just wanted you to know" she nods.

"Do you know what the name Maisie means" I ask her and she looks a little surprised that that was my response but shakes her head.

"No, I don't" she admits.

"It represents a pearl, and means 'Child of Light'. I got her this the other day when she was out shopping with Everly and my parents for things around the house. It's a pearl on a chain, and on the chain is a plate that says "in the darkness you are the light". I got this made after Everly was born, it has her birthdate and our anniversary on it. I haven't given it to her because I thought it was stupid, but I love it" I admit holding it up.

"Okay, the first thing you do when you see Maisie is give that to her. She will absolutely love it" she smiles and I nod. I can do that.

She tells me everything I need to know before sending me on my way. I thank her a million times before telling her to give my best to Mike then head to see my girls.

I find Maisie at home feeding Everly by herself in the nursery. Jackson was watching Captain America with my parents which I found ironic but I wasn't going to bring that up. I go in the nursery and sit across from her in a chair and she smiles.

"I missed you" she says and I get chills. Man I go it bad. I pull the necklace out and dangle it in front of her face without a word.

"Are you trying to hypnotize me, because I'm so tired it might work" she jokes.

"Not exactly. I want you to have this, and no I won't let you say no. Then I might have to hypnotize you to say yes" I say and she rolls her eyes.

"I wasn't going to say no. I'm learning to stop pushing people away and accepting love. Starting with you" she smirks.

"Good. This is a special necklace, one only a woman like you can wear. Your name has two meanings, pearl and child of light. So it's a pearl and on the chain it has the date Everly was born, the date we met, and the phrase "in the darkness you are the light". Because you're a special girl, greater than you'll ever know. And I want you to know that although things seem dark at times, you're the light that will always shine, forever" I say. I wipe a tear away as she leans into my touch.

"I don't know what to say. That is beautiful" she whispers.

"You don't have to say anything" I assure her putting it on and kissing her head. Everly starts to play with the necklace causing us to laugh.

"Someone's done eating" Maisie mentions.

"How about we order pizza and take more pictures of our beautiful baby" I suggest.

"I think that is perfect" she smiles.