The Grey Reality

The big day

"So you'll make sure her heart rate doesn't drop? And you'll make sure you get a clean cut right?" I rambled as I walked with the doctors wheeling her into surgery
"Derek, sweetheart stop please I'll be fine they know what they are doing all you need to do is sit and wait... go to the hospital and see Callie pass the time I'll be fine" Mer said from her bed
"Ok!"
We walked for a little bit longer until I was told to stop
"I'll see you when you get out ok sweetie?" I said holding her hand
"Got it baby!" She replied smiling at me
I kissed her forehead before they wheeled her away!
6 hours later
Meredith has been out of surgery for about half an hour and I've been sitting in the same spot on the couch for the past 7 hours but I'm not telling her that at all. Just sitting here watching her lifeless in the bed is the worst thing I've ever had to do.
A few minutes later her doctor comes in and tells me that they got it all which then took a giant weight of my chest but I know it will be a while before she wakes up for safety reasons.
I later found myself sitting on a stool with my head on her arm humming a song out loud over and over. It's the one song me and Meredith dance to when it comes on.

"I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me,
and if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance, You won't be leaving with me, And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two, And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you"

"Wow Frank Sinatra thought you outgrew that!" A voice said from the door
I turned around to see Amelia standing at the door. I haven't seen Amelia in a long long time.
"Amy!" I said softly before hugging her for way to long
"How you holding up Derek?" She asked as she put her bag on the couch and standing on the opposite site of the bed.
"Not good Im missing my rock I can't lose her Amelia she needs to wake up" I said holding Mer's hand
"Well I spoke to the doctor before I came in and he says it should only be a couple of hours but you know that"
"Can you do me a favour?"
"Yea shoot?" She replied
"Could you go check on the kids and see if their ok and I'll call you when I get news" I asked ruffling my hair.
"Yea sure hang in there big brother!" She said kissing my head before leaving.
I sat there for another couple of hours not moving a muscle the doctor came in to check her vitals.
"She's all good Dr Shepherd I promise you that" she said
"The why hasn't she woken up yet it's been 7 hours since she came out why is she not awake!" I shouted
"Sir you know all this she needs rest"
"Just go...now!"

I sat thinking about what the doctor said about me knowing and it's true I do know but I refuse to believe it. I began to think about what we did last night as we were preparing for today and the song came back.

Flashback
"Derek turn that song up I love it!" Met shouted from the bedroom
"Really I didn't take you for a Sinatra person" I laughed turning it up
"I'm not but it was the song playing on our first date!"
"Was it?" I said walking over to her and putting my hands on her hips and she followed by putting her arms around my neck.

"I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me,
and if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance, You won't be leaving with me, And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two,  And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you" we both sang together as we danced into the night.

End of flashback

"And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two,  And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you" I hummed until I heard something

"I love you"
I peered up and saw Meredith with open eyes!