Phil : Yo, dad.
Dad : Yo, son.
Phil : ....
Phil : So, whatcha doin'?
Dad : Just chillin' with mah homies.
Phil : ....
Phil : Why are you talking like that?
Dad : I was trying to be cool.
Phil : .....
Dad : I guess I failed.
Phil : Yeah. You did.
Dad : ....
Phil : So how are you?
Dad : Fine. You?
Phil : I'm great.
Dad : So finally you're getting married.
Phil : Yeah, finally.
Phil : I have to propose first, though.
Dad : I'm proud of you.
Phil : Thanks, dad.
Dad : Ickle Phil is finally growing up. I still remember the day you came up to me and said "Sorry dad, I like dicks." It was very brave of you, son. I was so proud.
Phil : Uh... thanks??
Dad : Where's Dan?
Dad : I want to have a detailed talk with my future son-in-law.
Phil : Oh god, please no.
Dad : I wanted to meet him face to face but for now I'll just text him instead.
Phil : Please, dad. Please not The Talk.
Dad : Why not?
Dad : It's my right as your father.
Phil : Dad, I'm twenty seven.
Dad : So?
Phil : ....
Phil : Dad, we've been dating for eight years. I'm pretty sure there's nothing left to talk about.
Dad : There's plenty to talk about.
Dad : I'm very experienced in this department. I can give you both expert advice.
Phil : Oh please. We're adults.
Dad : Adults who play games like little children.
Dad : HA! ROASTED!
Phil : ....
Phil : Dad, please stop that. You sound really creepy.
Dad : ......
Dad : You can at least lie.
Phil : Only if I don't pass out from the shock first.
Dad : .....
Dad : It's that bad?
Phil : Yes, it is.
Dad : Oh.
Phil : Don't do it in front of other people. They'll lock you up in the mental hospital.
Dad : ....
Dad : This is how I've been talking to your fans.
Phil : Oh god.
Dad : I thought I looked cool.
Phil : ....
Phil : Wait, what do you mean fans?
Dad : The phandom, of course.
Phil : How?
Phil : Why?
Phil : What?
Dad : I've a twitter account, right?
Phil : Yeah?
Dad : Somehow people found out that I'm your dad.
Dad : I got millions of followers overnight. It's amazing.
Phil : OH SHIT. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT?
Dad : I was supposed to tell you?
Phil : Fuck!
Phil : What else did you do?
Dad : Well, nothing much. They just ask me questions and I answer them. Sometimes they ask me for pictures of you two and I upload them on my Facebook page.
Phil : YOU HAVE A FACEBOOK PAGE?
Dad : Well, everyone wanted more pictures so I thought why not.
Dad : Besides Dan's dad was very eager to make it.
Phil: WHAT? WTF WHY? DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU TWO ARE DOING?
Dad : What are we doing?
Phil : DAD FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU'RE INVADING OUR PRIVACY!
Phil : You're uploading personal pictures of us for the whole world to see!
Dad : Oh.
Phil : OH NO DAN IS GOING TO KILL ME.
Dad : Don't worry, I used to be scared of your mom too. After a while you get used to it.
Phil : ...
Phil : Dad, please. This isn't funny.
Dad : Okay, sorry. I'll delete everything.
Phil : That's not going to work.
Phil : What else did you say to them?
Phil : Don't tell me you told them we are getting married or some shit like that. That'll ruin my whole plan of surprising Dan.
Dad : .....
Phil : Haha even you aren't that stupid.
Dad : ....
Phil : ....
Phil : Wait.
Phil : You didn't.
Dad : I'm sorry.
Phil : Fuck!
YOU ARE READING
Candy Love//Phan
FanfictionPhil: MUM I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH DAN Mom: He's your future husband sweet heart of course you love him. Dan Howell and Phil Lester have been dating for 8 years now, but they're still so smitten with each other that even the phandom finds it adorabl...
