Candy Love//Phan

53

Chris : Are you okay, Dan?

Dan : ......

Chris : I promise Phil is fine. We're coming to pick you up, okay?

Dan : What?

Chris : Be ready.

Dan : What?

Chris : Are you blind? Do you need glasses?

Dan : What?

Chris : I SAID GET READY! WE'RE GOING TO A PARTY!

Dan : What?

Chris : OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Dan : Not me. Something's wrong with YOU.

Dan : I've been busy calling and texting everyone I know asking if they know something about Phil. And you guys are all chill like "HEY let's go party while our best friend Phil's gone missing. Oh, he could be dead but NAH ALL WE CARE ABOUT IS OURSELVES!"

Chris : You're overreacting.

Dan : Fuck you!

Chris : Dan, listen. I assure you he's okay.

Dan : HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT! WHAT IF HE WAS KIDNAPPED OR HURT OR SOMETHING MUCH MORE HORRIBLE!

Chris : He's okay, Dan. Please just trust me.

Dan : No, he's not! He forgot my birthday! HE NEVER DOES THAT! HE ALWAYS WAKES ME UP AT TWELVE TO THROW DOZENS OF PRESENTS AT ME. He clings to me the entire day like a koala. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY.

Chris : Dan, just listen to me. He's totally fine. In fact I just saw him and I know where he is.

Dan : What, really? You really know where he is?

Chris : Yes, I do and he wants to talk to you so just get ready so we can go see him.

Dan : Oh, thank god.

Dan : Wait, talk? What talk? And why? Is he breaking up with me? Fuck! Is that why he's avoiding me? Did I do something wrong? What did I do? He should've just told me! Is it because I'm too clingy? Did I make him uncomfortable or something?

Chris : Whoa whoa. Can you just calm down? It's nothing like that. Everything is okay. Never EVER degrade yourself like that. You're perfect and Phil loves you, okay?

Dan : THEN WHY IS HE IGNORING ME!

Dan : Is he mad at me?

Chris : Dan, can you please calm down? I told you it's nothing like that. Just stop crying, wipe your face and blow your nose. Chris will be there in a minute.

Dan : Wait, crying? How do you know about that? And why are you talking about yourself in third person?

Chris : Oh uh slip of the tongue. Sorry.

Dan : But you're typing.

Chris : I meant fingers! My fingers slipped!

Dan : That's just weird. What the fuck. How is that even possible?

Chris : I know, right? I mean I have this uhm weird disease where I uh accidentally start typing in third person.

Dan : Oh, really?

Chris : Yeah, uhm it's called Fingarro Slipparro Thirdpersoness disorder. There's no cure. Haha it's a rare illness.

Dan : .........

Chris : It's true I swear.

Dan : .........

Dan : Phil, is that you?

Chris : No, it's not me!

Chris : I mean it's not Phil!

Dan : .......

Chris : I swear it's the fingardo slippardo Thirdpersoness affecting me!

Dan : I thought it was fingarro Slipparro.

Chris : ..............

Dan : That amount of stupidity, now I'm pretty sure it's you Phil.

Dan : Phil?

Dan : Phil, answer me!

Dan : Philly!

Dan : Phil, please. What the hell is going on? Where is YOUR phone?

Dan : Phil, what's wrong?

Dan : Please talk to me.

Dan : Dammit, Phil. Just fucking please, I'm begging you. What the hell did I do?

Chris : Baby, can you just go with Chris. I'll explain everything later, I promise.

Dan : I hate this, Phil! I hate this! WHERE ARE YOU?

Chris : Cupcake, just trust me.

Chris : I love you.

Chris : Please, if you trust me you'll listen to me.

Dan : ........

Chris : TRUST me.

Dan : ........

Dan : Fine.