Dan : Does anyone know where Phil is?
Chris : Yay, whoever added me to this group chat, thank you!
PJ : What's wrong, Dan?
PJ : Happy birthday, by the way :)
Louis : It's Dan's birthday?
Chris : Yup. Happy birthday <3
Louis : HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Niall : HaPpY BiRtHdAy FrieNdO
Liam : Many many happy returns of the day, may god bless you, child.
Niall : You sound like an old man.
Liam : At least I don't sound like an idiot.
Niall : HEY!
Dan : Thanks, guys.
Dan : Actually, Phil's not replying to me. I tried calling him but he's not picking up :( Do any of you know where he is?
Troye : ...................................
Dan : Troye, you know something?
Troye : Oh uh nope. Not at all.
Troye : Happy birthday.
Louis : He didn't tell you where he was going, Dan?
Dan : No, everything was okay last night but when I woke up in the morning, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm worried he's mad at me or something.
Harry : 🎵Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes? Everything that you've ever dreamed of disappearing when you wake up🎵
Louis : Harry, this is not the time.
Louis : I'm sure he's alright, Dan.
Dan : Maybe I said something wrong :(
Harry : Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times.
Niall : SHUT THE FUCK UP HARRY SHITHEAD! PHIL'S APPOINTED ME AS DAN'S BODYGUARD. I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT!
Harry : Now you're the peasant's bodyguard? Oh how the mighty have fallen. Shame on you.
Louis : Just ignore him, Niall.
Louis : It'll be okay, Dan.
Troye : You didn't do anything wrong, Dan. I promise everything is okay.
Chris : Yeah, Phil just called me. He's totally fine.
Dan : Wait, he called you? Why is he IGNORING me then?
Harry : Maybe he's tired of your boring ass.
Niall : SHUT UP!
Harry : YOU SHUT UP!
PJ : Who's this rude guy?
Troye : That's Harry Poopface Styles.
PJ : Oh, who is he? Is he your friend?
Troye : WAIT! WHAT? THAT'S HARRY FROM ONE ERECTION! You don't know one erection?
PJ : One erection, what? Are they on pornhub or something?
Troye : OH MY GOD!!!!!
PJ : No, I'm genuinely confused. Who are these guys?
Chris : Guys, he lives under a rock. Forgive him, please.
PJ : There's a rock on top of our apartment? What?
Louis : Whoa, I can't understand if he really is an idiot or if he's acting.
Liam : Same.
Niall : Same.
Troye : Same.
Dan : YOU ALL ARE IDIOTS! I'M WORRIED ABOUT PHIL! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Harry : Well, guess what, Dildo we all have our own problems to deal with so FUCK OFF and deal with your problems ALONE!
Dan : No one asked you, Baldy.
Harry : DON'T CALL ME THAT! JUST BECAUSE I CUT A BIT OF MY HAIR URGH PEOPLE CAN BE SO JUDGEMENTAL SOMETIMES.
Dan : Oh, look who's talking.
Dan : Ahhh, I can't even get mad at you. I'm just so worried about Phil.
Harry : Maybe he killed himself because of your stupidity.
Niall : Whoa, bro. Not cool.
Troye : That was a low blow.
Louis : You shouldn't joke about suicide like that.
Liam : I find this kind of behavior intolerable.
Chris : You're such an asshole.
Dan : That was uncalled for. I wasn't even talking to you. You should never joke about things like that.
PJ : ......
Chris : What's wrong, babe?
PJ : Are all porn stars this rude? Actually, why are we talking to porn stars again?
Chris : Oh god, just go back under your rock.
YOU ARE READING
Candy Love//Phan
FanfictionPhil: MUM I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH DAN Mom: He's your future husband sweet heart of course you love him. Dan Howell and Phil Lester have been dating for 8 years now, but they're still so smitten with each other that even the phandom finds it adorabl...
