Dan : Phil, I hate you.
Phil : Hey, baby.
Phil : Wait, what? Why?
Dan : Did you text my dad while you were drunk?
Phil : ...I may have.
Phil : Only once tho. And that was like twenty years ago.
Dan : No, it was just a few months ago and now it's all over the internet.
Dan : BABY I'M HORNY BABY I'M HORNY
Dan : WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT PHIL?
Phil : Oh. How did it end up on the internet?
Dan : My dad lost his phone.
Dan : But Phil what the fuck! Why would you text my dad shit like that! Fuck, this is so embarrassing!
Phil : I'm sorry, cupcake :(
Dan : TAKE YOUR SORRY AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.
Phil : No, it's going up YOUR ass ;)
Dan : ....
Phil : Okay, I'm sorry. That was bad.
Phil : But you know how I get when I'm drunk. I'm sorry, baby.
Phil : Besides I didn't say anything other than the truth anyway. I was pretty horny.
Phil : Actually I am horny right now.
Phil : When are you coming home?
Phil : The coffee table is waiting for you.
Dan : ....
Dan : Honestly, Phil. Do you ever think about anything other than your dick?
Phil : Of course, I do.
Dan : Oh, really? About what?
Phil : Your dick.
Dan : ....
Phil : I have two responsibilities. I have to take care of both.
Dan : ....
Phil : Oh, I'm getting all hot and bothered by this talk. When are you CUMING home? The TABLE and ME are waiting for you with YEARNING DESIRE.
Dan : ....
Dan : Dammit, it's really hard to scold you when every time I do, you say something stupid and I forget what I'm even angry about.
Phil : I know it's REALLY HARD, cupcake. That was the point. Now get your ASS home quick so it won't be so HARD anymore ;)
Dan : ....
Phil : GRAB SOME LUBE ON THE WAY BABY
Dan : We bought like a dozen just a week ago.
Phil : YEAH BUT WE HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME AND YOU'RE VERY DEMANDING
Dan : Okay, dammit, why are you typing in caps?
Phil : Because I know even if you act INNOCENT AND COOL all the time, you're HORNIER than me and you're probably all hot and bothered right now. So CUM quick so we can have some HOT AND STEAMY BUTT FUCK on your favourite COFFEE TABLE.
Dan : .....
Dan : DAMMIT YOU KNOW ME WELL
Phil : Of course, baby ;)
YOU ARE READING
Candy Love//Phan
FanfictionPhil: MUM I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH DAN Mom: He's your future husband sweet heart of course you love him. Dan Howell and Phil Lester have been dating for 8 years now, but they're still so smitten with each other that even the phandom finds it adorabl...
