Gonna Ride Again

Scared and Pissed

Big thanks to MissyDoe2017 for her help

Sissie POV

I open the door after calling Brantley, only to see a scowling B with gun drawn leaning against my door frame. Shit, I think wincing, yep he is passed I left without saying goodbye. " Hey...thanks for coming. ...but before you start in ....I needed to think..."

Brantley growls" and since when is you getting lost in your damn head a good thing Sissie?! Huh since when ...especially with everything that has been thrown at you lately?!!!! Just so you know I have been going back and forth between being worried and royally fucking pissed off!!"

" You wait just a fucking minute there Brantley. ..you don't get to come in and yell at me cause I needed time to think...I just lost the one man in my life who loved me and has been my rock for the past 30 years....yeah I needed time to think I need time to process he was sick and knew he was dying and I didn't get to tell him all this ...so don't you dare come at me about being pissed cause I am pissed to the high heavens !!!! Besides. ... I am not your worry any more you did your good deed and you can go on now that you have helped poor little Sissie "

"Karissa June ", he growls stomping into the house slamming the door and backing me up against the wall. I let out a squeak as my back hits the wall and narrow my eyes at him. "Woman , shut the hell up for two seconds for the love of all that is holy. I don't give a rats ass about what you think but don't ever and I mean EVER let me hear you say that was the only man that has ever loved you was him cause if you do i will turn you over my knee and wear that pretty little ass of yours out. I get that you needed time but shit honey , I woke up and you were gone ...no note, no call, no text. I ran all over town looking for you . I was so glad and relieved to find out that you had just come back here to Atlanta. For all I knew you could have packed up and disappeared on me again like you did before." Brantley leans forward and gets in my face because he is just as pissed as I am and says," you better get used to seeing this face baby doll cause I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE SWEETHEART!"

I glare at him and shove him back away from me," Brantley Keith you need to back the hell up !!! I can not deal with you and your feelings right now when I am so fucking screwed in the head....that is why I left . One I have exams to give and grade and two I can't think one damn coherent thought with you hovering around!!"

He points one of his long fingers at me when I start pacing so I throw a pillow at him and he ducks it and then the damn coffee mug saying," that is your fucking problem right there. You would rather over analyze and think Shit to death than allow yourself to feel anything for one damn second! !"

" oh and you are so great with feelings ..correct me if I am wrong but the last I knew of you and feelings were you drowned yours in a bottle or beat the hell out of someone to avoid them or chose to fuck them away....never did want to talk about them...breaking down I angrily wipe the tears away glaring .....might not have run back then if you would have just talked to me."

Sighing he flops down on the couch watching me pace back and forth," Darlin for the millionth time , yes I fucked up. I should have done so many things different. And I will apologize for that again . But I was a 19 year old kid, Sissie, a damn kid. I can promise you now , I am a grown ass man and things are a lot different but you would rather cling to the past like a damn security blanket "

I turn to look at him," yeah because it is all I know and I was crushed when I left and then when you moved on it sent me to a very dark place that I almost didn't make it out of B ....it took therapy and medication to pull me back..."

He turns pale at my words ,"please tell me that is a joke baby. Sissie if you felt that strongly why did you never get in touch with me. Especially after you knew I had gotten my life right?"

"No joke B, daddy's trip to Atlanta around your engagement, well that was him making sure I didn't do something crazy. I was the reason he missed your party. I' m sorry but when I said you were it I meant it only to find you didn't ....therapy made me realize I had issues with people leaving me and I tend to push them away cause I don't want to lose them....the only people I have ever loved left me....mom, you, our baby, now daddy."

"Baby you left me...walked away and didn't look back, I tried to move on but dammit I couldn't. I could still see your face everywhere. But wasn't there, even in the bottom of a bottle. I never stopped loving you. I don't think I ever will. Honey, what happened with the baby, Shit, I don't think either of us will ever get over it"

" I know B and I had done all I knew and I couldn't save you and me too. So I ran as fast as I could ...Jones was just my reason ...oh I looked back just didn't come back for those same reasons . I finally had to deal with losing our baby and realized that your way back then was to hit the bottle because you didn't know how to deal with it either. I wasnt running away for good today I just needed space to think about what we found out from the lawyer. "

He stands up and stalks over to me lifting me up and carrying me and sits down with me in his lap. "Baby I get that you needed space . I know it has been a lot to take in. Just please don't push me all the way away. I want to help what I can."

I sigh and rest my head in the crook of his neck and say "okay"
With that one word I feel his breath leave him and I look up at him and I see hope in his eyes with that one word. "Well I know that you have some decisions to make and probably need some time so I am gonna head back home. Thank you for calling me baby. I want you to know I have to leave this weekend after my show at the Dome, but I am asking please don't shut me out."

"B....can you stay....I don't want to be alone right now....I'm afraid"

He pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head." I am here...not going anywhere...wish you would come with me"

I look at him," I have to get through theses next 4 days at school and maybe I will...got the papers today with a job in Jefferson in August they have to know by Friday too"

" I can't make the decision for you . I just want you to really think about it. I think it would do you good to be back with family "

"I know I have to make it but it honestly scares the shit out of me, coming back to face it every day, just the week I was there all I could see was you and me every where I looked"

" that is what I deal with everytime I am home and I want it back...but I am willing to wait right now....willing to wait for you baby doll"