Gonna Ride Again

Thoughts

Sissie POV

Waking up I look around and I can't help but think about last night and the decision I made to wear my property vest to the bonfire. I know that I made the right decision when I saw the look in Brantley's eyes, it  took my breath away. The look of love that he had in his eyes when he zeroed in on me and made his way to me, it is so much more than it was before I left. Time has been really good to him, I can tell he has grown up and isn't the same hot headed pick a fight with someone for looking at him wrong guy. The alcohol and the pills had a lot to do with it, I realize that now. Pop tried to tell me, only I wouldn't listen. I always shut him down when it came to Brantley, told him I didn't want to hear it. Truth is I couldn't stand hearing how he had moved on from me and our love without a second glance. I know that wasn't the case now, he did it to try to mask the pain that he felt. Just like I threw myself into my school work and refusing to hear anything about him until that day that I was told he was getting married. That day was almost my undoing, I went into a deep depression. Yeah I went to school and functioned but it didn't change the fact that when I came home alone to an empty place and she had the one thing I loved more than anything and that was Brantley. Then it all came to a head when I heard that he had built a house. I knew then I would never have him again and that was the night Pop found me passed out on the floor with the bottle at my head empty. He never left my side from that moment on until the doctor said that I was passed the critical point. I saw a therapist 3 days a week for 6 months and during that time I worked out so many things, most things went back to me losing Mama.

    I am pulled back to the present when B shifts pulling me closer to him tucking me under him. Last night he was like an animal, primal I guess would be the best way to describe it, stalking me like I was his prey. His eyes turned the darkest green I have ever seen.  All of his focus was solely on me, what I wanted, what I needed, what I was thinking before I thought it. Nothing could have made him change his focus, it was that intense. The look in his eyes, the touch of his hands was solely focused on me and pushing me to see what my body could do. I can only describe it as he took possession of my body. He owned me, mind ,body ,and soul. Every reaction, every sound that came from my body he gave it to me.Everything I felt was because of him. B literally consumed me as he took orgasm after orgasm from my body. I didn't know that my body could keep having them, I quit trying to count after 15. He dictated how, when, and how hard I came, never stopping until there was nothing but perfect peace and quiet. My mind went silent, the pleasure he gave me surpassed anything that I have ever felt. It was as if our bodies and souls were in tune with one another. I couldn't tell where I ended and he began. It was as if nothing existed outside of us. That peace that I experienced, it was as if I were floating on a cloud. My soul was outside my body connected to B's and it was pure bliss. I cannot get over the quiet. No thoughts running through my head nothing but quiet.

  When I came to B had me cradled in his arms wrapped in a blanket, the first thing I remember hearing is," I love you Sissie, you are my very good girl." I couldn't help but smile cause that made me very very happy girl. He had a bottle of water for me to drink and chocolate to eat. It was to get my blood sugar back up, that it had taken a lot out of me and that today I would be drained. He was right, I am tired. My whole body is sore. My muscles ache and I can tell I am weak. The thing is I would do it all again to hear the words, I love you and you are my very good girl. I never knew what I needed until Brantley came back into my life. I need the structure and discipline but more than that I need to be able to let go and not have to make decisions, knowing that Brantley will make them and it will be what is in my best interest. My soul is at peace now. I can smile and it is a genuine smile, not one that I put on for the outside world but a true smile from deep inside my soul, all because I am not repressing who I am. I have accpted that I am submissive and it makes me happy, truly bone deep, soul deep happy.  This is what Pop always wanted for me, for me to be happy. Yawning I snuggle in closer to B and decide that today was made for this and I am going to enjoy just being in his arms.