Gonna Ride Again

Same but Different

Sissie POV
PJ is walking me back to the bus and he tells me," you know Boss is so happy that you decided to come with him right?"
"Really PJ looks like I am doing nothing but causing him problems"
"Nah Jeff is always busting his balls about something just what he does. And those two back there well they like to get him riled up just because he's so damn funny sometimes. We are all glad to have you but Boss especially. He missed you Sissie."
"I won't lie PJ I missed him too. I wouldn't have made it without him these last few days. He came and has been by my side ever since. Even when we were apart he was making sure I was okay. Makes me wonder what if I had stayed? "
"Aw Sissie darlin you can't do that. Let's be honest, he wasn't a good man then, he was going down a bad road and you leaving is part of what opened his eyes finally. But he is a good man now, my advice get to know the man but remember the boy you fell in love with cause he is still there just got lost for a while."
"But PJ I am scared, what happens if it doesn't work out? I walked away once before I know I won't survive losing him again. It was bad, I was bad. Besides he has been engaged ."

"Yes he was but if you go back and look at the pictures you will see his smile was never real, you didn't see it all over his face. Now look at your pictures or even pictures of him since you have been back in his life , his smile is in his eyes. Just something for you to think about...besides he settled didn't think he could have you the love of his life so he settled. The thing about settling Sissie is you are never completely happy because you are still missing a part of yourself. Now I will let you settle in and I will be out here if you need me."

I start unpacking my bags and putting my clothes up and I hear ,"Sissie ?"
"In the back B"
I stop and look up and B has this worried look on his face. I sigh,"Do we have to do this now B?"
He sits down on the bed,"no but I wanted you to hear it for the first time without an audience. I didn't know if you knew or not"
  "No not really kinda thought it was about Amber that is until today and I saw you do it live. Then I knew. I don't have any answers B . I don't know what to feel right now"
  "Princess just feel what you feel there is no right or wrong in that. Just feel don't get lost inside your head, but remember the girl who lived life no matter what she was facing. Who tackled things head on and whoever didn't like it be damned ... Be Sissie, not who you think you need to be but who you are in here," he said tapping my chest above my heart.
I wiped the tear that was making its way across my cheek with the back of my hand ," But what if she's gone for good, what if she truly did die because I walked away?" I whisper.
"She is in there darlin I have seen her you just need to let her be and quit telling her to be quiet. Sissie, I meant every word I sang no one could help me but you, you are what is missing in my life and I want you back. I want us back ... Not who we were but who we have become. What do you say?"
"I want to say yes, but I am scared B, so damn scared. I want to get to know you who you are now and you get to know me. Who I am now. Can we do that ?"
Breaking into a grin,"yeah darlin we can do that, I think that is a great idea, I know we both have changed but at the same time we are still the same deep down where it counts. Still the same boy and girl from Jefferson deep down inside where it counts. That hasn't changed, may have lost our way but they are still there." and with those words he pulled me into his lap placing his hand on my face and kissing me softly. When he pulled back he rubbed my cheek with his thumb and grinned,"so that mean we can share the bed?"

I throw my head back and laugh," yep still the same boy I knew back in the day"