Gonna Ride Again

Revelation

  My eyes widen and I untangle myself from Sissie standing up and taking a deep breath rubbing my hands over my face before settling them at the back of my neck before turning around to look at her in disbelief."Let me get this straight honey, you are saying there has never, ever been anyone other than me?"
I watch as she sits up, pulling her knees up an wrapping her arms around them, shaking her head no.
Trying to keep myself in check all I can do is growl,"Words Sissie talk to me"
She looks at me blushing,"There has never been anyone but you"
I sit down beside her, cupping her cheek as I run my thumb on her soft skin,"Can I ask why baby girl? "
She looks away, "It just never felt right. Didn't take more than a date or two to figure it out"
"What was wrong with them?" I ask with a quiet laugh"You are a very beautiful woman and any man with one good eye can see that. Hell baby you turn heads everywhere we go"
"They weren't you" she says quietly, looking away from me. "Look at me Sissie, I got to ask this but please don't get mad, so you are telling me that you haven't had sex since you were 19? No one night stands in college, nothing until last night?"
"well if you count my toys then yeah I have but just not with a man, like I said it didn't feel right. It was wrong"
"Fuck me" I mutter rubbing my chin trying to process what she has told me, and I hear "Pretty sure I did that last night" she grumbles,"Several times"
"hush it Sissie, I am well aware that you did smartass"I growl"I am trying to wrap my mind around your revelation"
"What is to wrap around , I mean its just sex, the want wasn't there. Please talk to me B"she pleads with me.
"Did you ever wonder why honey?" I ask her.
"I dunno" she says throwing her hands up "I guess there was no pull there. Not enough attraction. Guess there was something wrong with me"
"And the first time you saw me again darlin?" I ask holding my breath at her response
"I couldn't take my eyes off you, i looked you up and down taking in all the changes the past 11 years had brought to your body"
"I wasn't and haven't ever been a saint baby. I have never lied about that. But there was always and still is something different about you. Our connection was different and not just because I love you"
"So you feel the pull, the draw too? It just wasn't me that felt it all this time?"she whispers with her eyes searching mine.
"No baby it wasn't just you.Always felt like something was missing all these years and I kept searching after you left but never found it"
"Me too, no matter that I tried to fight it, ignore it, when I saw you again, it was like I became a whole different alive"
"Then it seems like I was right" I whisper to myself
"right about what B" she asks crawling back in my lap laying her head on my chest
"You ever think about that movie that a Dominant and a submissive relationship might be different than that?"
"Well yeah, I'm not that naive B, I know that happens, I already said that, I think there has to be a relationship of trust, complete trust to be able to submit to someone else."
"You're right and that is what I meant when I asked you if you trusted me"
"Brantley"she says sitting up looking me in the eye"is this your round about way of telling me that you are a Dominant? that you are in the lifestyle?"
"Depends on if you want to continue this conversation, if you don't cause it freaks you out then I am okay and we can pretend it never came up, yes if you want to talk about it."
"Brantley, First of all do YOU trust me?" she asks those big eyes looking at mine like she is searching for something.
"Baby, I trust you with my life, my heart, mysoul"
"Well now then why do you think this would freak me out if you trust me? If you trust our love then why would this bother me? It's not a long stretch at all to imagine you like that"
"Because, I say not meeting her eyes," I don't want to lose you again. And it is not always seen in the best light before those stupid books and movie. and what the hell do you mean it's not a stretch?"
"Well you are used to being in charge, thrive on it, like it feeds something inside of you . Actually you have always had a way of bossing me around and throwing me over your shoulder, not to mention you have always loved being in charge in the bedroom."
"When you put it that way, ' I look over with a sigh , " I need to know how you feel about it Sissie. I mean not 20 minutes ago you were giving Christian Grey hell and rightly so because 50 Shades of Grey should never have been released as a book, much less a movie. It was poorly written and that movie is shit, and it is a slap in the face to those of us who put in the leg work to master our craft. If a "Dominant" anything remotely like Christian Grey ever came near you I would put a bullet in his head.He is an unstable ptsd victim without the self control to be aware of his partner's needs. He refuses to communicate and treats her like a slave not a submissive. BIG DIFFERENCE. and honestly she is about as submissive as I am. She doesn't care about learning that side of him, doesn't respect it. And the author who wrote it who didn't put in the time to do the research , well she is gonna get people hurt or scarred for life by jumping head first into shit they don't understand. This life ain't an overnight thing, it takes years to learn, to perfect, to understand. As long as I have been in the game, there are times I still learn new things"
"No I was not giving the life hell, I was giving him hell. I didn't think that was how a true trust relationship would play in real life. I read the books, he spanks her and leaves her, she is hurt and angry and doesn't understand. I thought it would have been his job to explain to her what the problem was and make sure she was okay. I mean she was a virgin , B you don't do that, even at 17 you didn't do that."
"You are right darlin. You never, ever had a reason to doubt my intentions when it came to you. I was and am still very clear on that. Trust is a two way street."
"So correct me if I am wrong, the Dominant is an authoritative figure , makes decisions for his submissive?Is there a contract like in the movie and books"
Chuckling, "Yes to the first but there are many types of Dom/sub relationships. It can be a 24/7 power exchange, only at home or just in the bedroom. To the contract, it is used in clubs or public dungeons where you may not be familiar with the person. It is a scene that is not relationship based. Couples no, there is a sit down and talk everything out before beginning. Communication and trust is the biggest part."
"And if I said no" she asks looking at me
"Then it would be like we never had this discussion" I tell her trying to be calm,"But I will say this I know you and see wheels turning in your head"