||Pale|| Daniel Howell x reader

||The past||

Date: Late January 2014 

Age: 20

Location: parents house.

(This was before you moved out from your parent's house.)

"Get that fucking drink out of your hand and listen to me!"

"Get the hell out of my face you bastard!"

My parents were fighting like normal. I could hear crashes downstairs and the yelling just got louder. My headphones couldn't block out the noise anymore. Abandoning the online course I was doing for web design I grabbed a coat, my phone, some change and some anti-depressant pills. My grandmother died last week and all they do is fight? What the fuck is wrong with this family. Taking the half empty glass on the table I swallowed the tablets. My grandma was the only person who understood me and listened to my dreams, unlike mum who wanted me to get a steady job, find a husband and end up with a shitty life like this one. Most likely close to home. A shiver ran down my spine. Walking down the stairs I looked at both my parents that didn't even see me until I grabbed the car keys. The two split apart. You could see the wine stain on mum's shirt and a slowly growing red mark on Dad's cheek clearly from a slap. Sighing I turned and whispered.

"I'm going out." Then left. If I was to marry someone I'd hope it would be nothing like this.

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Half the day had gone by. Most of it I spent sitting at a cafe' watching people pass by in the cold air outside. Ed was leaving me be until I was ready to talk. I've never experienced death before. It's a dark place, I've lost someone I care for and now I'm empty. Tears lerked up but sniffing they went away. I don't feel horrible as a week ago but that could just be the medicine. My gaze was fixated on the chair in front of me. I was just imaging someone sitting there that could understand. Anyone the would listen.

"Hey......" The word was extended until I looked up at a guy. John. One of the guys in my year level when we were in high school. "Your (y/n) right? You went at the same school as me." Nodding my head I examined his features. Rusty golden hair that was shaved to one side. A bright smile and he was still quite buff. John was in the football team and a popular person. I was mostly surprised he remembered me. He sat down still looking directly at me. "I've been studying engineering at uni, just finished my first year. What about you?" I looked around for a moment seeing if it was some kind of joke or dare someone set for him. But no one else was around.

"Um, just web design stuff. So I can adventurly get into the technical side and get into game design."  Nodding his head I watched him smirk at me.

"Me and some friends are going out to a club tonight..... Did you want to be my plus one?"

It wasn't a deep or meaningful conversation. No really thought was in it, I clearly knew what he wanted and why he was even talking to me. Living in a smaller suburb news travels fast so most people knew about my grandmother's passing. I'm vulnerable. I knew all this but that word still came from me.

"Yes."

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Mum was out for once so the house was quiet. Dad said he was doing some work stuff in the back room so no one would know I was out. Not that it mattered I'm 20 and can do whatever I want.

New message. My phone went off.

'hey babe, I'm outside.'

Sighing I grabbed my phone and placed it into an amazing pocket in this dress. Another moment to take another pill before going out the door.

All I saw was a car with no roof and three guys and one girl. I only knew two of them. John and Grace. They both went to school but grace was a year younger.

When seeing me come out of the house they all looked shocked.

"Oh my God, the nobody sassy bitch has a body." That's when John hit her shoulder.

"Fuck off G, that's my date." Rubbing my hand up and down my arm awkwardly John jumped out of the car and grabbed my hand. "Let's have a fun night." A small smile landed on my face and we went back into the car for the 'fun' night out.

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Flashes of light, loud music, unknown substances over the souls of my shoes and too much alcohol for my body to handle.

The time was the last thing on my mind. Nothing was in my mind, it was a haze almost hurting my eyes. A hand grabbed my shoulder basically shaking me. John stood behind me and took my lips with his. It was sloppy, confusing and horrible. A kiss you don't want to remember or just the whole night in general. The type you have when you're drunk and that's what we were. I knew this was going to happen but I wanted it too. Death just does something to you. "We should take this somewhere else." Stumbling around he found grace and one of the guys making out in the corner.

"Dude let's go back to your house for some more fun!" His hand lowered to my ass squeezing it. Not saying anything we left.
Sitting in the back left corner of the car next to John grace turned to me.

"I can't believe you know how to have fun. John invited you as a joke." Her words didn't hurt me. How could they? I could bearly see in front of me let alone have the capacity to understand what someone said to me.

You could hear the engine roaring down the road. Going through red lights and zooming past pedestrians. But the next moment changed everything and killed two people in the car.