Torn up. ~Flamingeos Fanfiction

Chapter 158

LUCY'S POV

It felt unreal that Geo was sitting in front of me, staring into my eyes whilst my gaze stayed fixed to the floor in shame. Why is he even bothering? I thought he would hate me, "knowing" that I "loved" Dylan all this time, and "pretended" to be in love with Geo. 

Geo has no idea what I have been through this past month without him. He noticed how skinny I was, and if only he knew why. If only he knew the distress I get put through every night, having to do whatever Dylan asks me to, whether it's kissing him on the lips or "sleeping" with him for the entire night, barely able to close my eyes to sleep afterwards because of the pain when we're done. He knows I don't love him, he knows I feel uncomfortable when his hands trail down my body, when his lips meet mine and I feel his tongue enter my mouth. Some days I shut my eyes and pretend that it's Geo who is whispering in my ear and pushing me onto our bed. But deep down I know that Geo is more gentle, and takes into account my feelings. He's the complete opposite of Dylan.

I don't know why I can't just let go of him, to just tell Geo or Jack the real reason why I dumped Geo so suddenly or why I've lost so much weight. It's almost as though I believe that if they do find out, my life will be in danger, or Dylan will kidnap me and run away to the middle of nowhere. I was absolutely terrified as I smelt Geo's cologne and stared at his beautiful, beautiful face. If Dylan finds us together we're both dead. Period.

"I'll do anything to have you back." Whispered Geo, looking desperate now as his sad eyes searched mine, as though he was looking for any type of emotions to inform him how I feel. "I'll do anything to make you happy, to-"

"Then leave." It killed me to say those two words, and to have to stare into his devastated eyes whilst doing so. The hope which lingered in the room had completely gone, and replaced with despair. The future wasn't looking bright for any of us. 

"You don't mean-"

"If I didn't mean what I just said I wouldn't have said it."

Silence. 

A silence so strong and upsetting that I felt my heart drop. My eyes began filling with tears, but I turned around so he couldn't see. I stood up and walked towards my toilet, soon after slamming the door shut and then collapsing onto the floor where I buried my tired head in my hands. But I didn't cry. Although my eyes were watering, all the tears inside of me had run out. Instead, I began to feel emptiness. Numbness. The final stage of devastation where you're done. With friends, life, family. Done with everything.

I heard him slowly stand up, and then walk towards the door. A rush of excitement ran through me, the fact that he was willing to still try to get me made me happy. But I soon felt my heart drop once again when he hesitated, and then left, slamming the door of my bedroom behind him and leaving me alone and vulnerable.