Torn up. ~Flamingeos Fanfiction

Chapter 159

It has been one year since I've been in a relationship with Dylan. One year since I had to look into the boy I love eyes and tell him my feelings for him was all fake. One year to watch him genuinely believe the lies I continuously told him. To stare at his face which burned with confusion, and eyes that shone with pain. 

I have not talked to Geo since. He's in almost every one of my lessons in school yet never bothers to come up to me. I notice his eyes staring intently into mine from across the classroom, as though he is trying to find a way to communicate with me telepathically. He believes that I never want to talk to him again, it must be why he's stopped trying. I would love for him to drag me somewhere secret and touch my skin. I want him to force me to tell him everything I'm going through. But he wont. He wont try. Instead, he stares at me from a distance. 

I know that one day he'll stop. He'll get over me and find somebody else, whilst I'm stuck with a boy I detest. And then I'll be the one having to watch him fall in love with a beautiful girl who he'll gaze at the way he'd gaze at me. I don't know what I'd do when that day comes. I don't know if I'd even be able to stay in America. The pain would be too much, just thinking about it quickens my heartbeat and fills my eyes with tears. It kills me to know that I used to be the one breaking Geo's heart. That one kiss he shared with Loren resulted in me thinking it would be ok to go off with any guy I liked. Even though I had broken up with Geo when me and Mario openly liked each other, I still knew that Geo's feelings towards me were strong. And although my feelings for Jack were intense and unforgettable, I still allowed myself to fall in love with him, knowing I was betraying Geo who was stuck in jail. I couldn't imagine myself doing such things again, now that I know I've lost the boy I love for good. It sucks how I'm only realising these things now. 

Lately, I've seen him getting close with a girl who sits next to me in English. Her name is June and she has a way about her which reminds me of myself. She's quiet yet confident and seems comfortable in herself. She does not talk much in lessons, but when she speaks to the class everyone remains silent. She has a beautiful voice, the type you hear in movies.

And she's determined. She works hard and never fails to get amazing grades. If you ever go to a revision session, whether it be at lunchtime, after school or even on the weekends, she will always be there. She has been asked out by many guys but rejected them all. It shows that she respects herself and knows that if she were to ever go out with somebody, it would have to be serious. So that comforted me, a part of me believed that she would reject Geo if he were to ever ask her out. But then again, when I watch them talk I can see that she's very fond of him. She talks to him differently than she talks to anyone else, and sometimes I hear her say things which seem flirtatious.  I'm not sure if Geo sees her in the same way, he doesn't look into her eyes the same way he would look into mine. Maybe he is talking to her because she reminds him of me. I've always seen myself in June, and when we do talk in lessons we seem to have a lot in common. There was one time when she even told me that we're very similar. I remember feeling so flattered over what she said because I've always admired June. 

I was walking to English and couldn't decide whether talking about Geo to June would be a good idea. She defiantly knows that Geo and I used to date, but everyone found out about Dylan and I and seemed shocked to "discover" that my feelings for him were all fake. There have even been rumours that I used Geo to get Dylan jealous, seeing as I've "liked Dylan all this time". I can understand why some may believe that, why would I date Geo when I have feelings for somebody else? Of course, Geo found out about these rumours. Mario, who has been doing okay since Ariel's death, told me that the look on his face was indescribable. It was a different type of pain, the type you see in movies which make you want to cry. 

Like every lesson I share with Geo, my heart pounded heavily the second I walked into class. I was late as I spent too long planning my conversation with June, so was the last to walk in. Everyone looked up at me the second the door creaked open, including Geo. My eyes remained on the floor after I apologised to my teacher. I hate looking up because I always end up catching Geo's eye. He always gives me the same look which makes my heart melt. It's the look he'd give me when I was upset or ranting about something, a look full of sympathy and compassion. I've never understood why he gazes at me in such a way, it couldn't possibly be because he knows what's going on between Dylan and I. Maybe he's noticed the sadness which lingers which me every day. I've never been good at hiding my emotions.

"Hey." June smiled after I sat down and threw my bag on the floor. 

I forced a smile back and remained to stare at sir. Everything I had planned to tell June had disappeared. I couldn't find ways to bring up the conversation about Geo, and the fact that he was in the same room as I didn't help. 

I stared at her for a while as she listened intently to what the teacher was saying. I had never noticed how pretty she was until that moment. She never makes an effort to school so I would never usually think much of her appearance. But suddenly, as I observed her gentle face, I was shocked by how attractive June truly was. She had thick and wavy bright blonde hair styled in a bob, and freckles under her eyes and on the bridge of her nose. Whenever she smiled she showed off her dimples and large, white teeth. Her lips were plump and her skin was pale and usually quite rosy. 

"Are you okay?" She laughed after a while. I felt my entire face burn red after realising how uncomfortable I must have made her. 

"S-sorry." I couldn't think of what to say to explain why I stared at her for so long, so instead, I stared back at sir and pretended to understand what he was telling us. 

After twenty so minutes, sir allowed us to work on an exercise he gave the class. Usually, June and I would work in silence or discuss how to answer certain questions. But today I couldn't allow that to happen. 

"Who do you sit by in history?" I asked her, although I already knew the answer. "I completely forgot you were in my class until I heard your name in the register not long ago."

"Um... Geo." I could tell she was taken aback by my question. It was clear what the motives of my question were: to bring Geo into the conversation.

"Oh! That's cool." My cheeks burned again after realising how awkward I sounded. I needed to find a way to make this conversation more casual and less uncomfortable. "He's a good guy."

She nodded, and whilst I turned to the side to read her expression, I felt my heart drop when I noticed that she was blushing. June never blushes over guys, it's just not her nature. 

"Aww, cute." I giggled, "I see you blushing!"

A large grin stretched her rosy cheeks whilst she shook her head in laughter. "We're just friends!"

"That's what they all say."

It was clear to me by now that June had feelings towards my ex.