Lumos ⤳ sirius black

Chapter 35, Recovering.

*Lucys POV*

Go ahead and watch my heart
burn with the fire that you started in me.

  I woke up. The thing I wanted the least. I cursed at myself for not going deeper. I had woken up but I didn't open my eyes. I felt a hand holding mine, one that was too familiar. Sirius' hand. I felt like crying. Here's the thing about me, if I like you to the fact I think I love you, you could hurt me as much as you'd like, you just need to tell me you won't do it again and I'll come running back to you. And Sirius had been my love. My weakness.

  I opened my eyes and saw that he had fallen asleep. There was also candies all over me. Holding my hand. And he had —tears?— on his cheeks? I tried to not wake him up but I failed miserably.

  I saw him sigh of relief and he hugged me, crying of happiness. "Get away from me Black." I spat at him, "right." He said softly, sitting back on his chair. "I'm sorry." He said, "I'm not falling for that bullshit ever again." "I just need to explain myself and I won't bother you again."

"Your actions have explained themselves. Sure you were drunk, but you had promised, and like an bloody idiot I had listened." "No, bu—" "No, you listen this time, I don't want to hear anymore of your bullshit and lies because did you think that I wanted to wake up? The first thing I thought was ' why didn't I cut deeper?' Because you hurt me, and the only person I to be stronger for is for myself." I said, venom dripping from my tongue, "And after all, your brother was right, you were playing me."

Sirius was one of my weaknesses meaning that saying this hurt me more than him.

"Lucy," he said crying slightly, "Damn It Black, you can't give me a day to hate you can you?" I told him. He looked surprised, "You, you don't hate me?"

"How could I ever?" I said, "But I could never be with someone who has hurt me so much."

Madame Pomfrey came in and said, "Oh you're awake, thank goodness." I nodded, "I'll inform them." Sirius said leaving. She gave some medicine and they soon rushed in.

Prongs, Lily, and Moony had hugged me in an bone crushing hug.

"We missed you."
"Everyone's been worried sick!"
"Professor McGonagall had been even more worried, you should've seen her!"
"Wait," I said, "How long have I been out for?" "2 weeks."

"Have I missed any Quidditch games?" "Just one." "Ugh." I opened a chocolate frog and ate it. "Are there any upcoming games?" "Yeah, but Madame Pomfrey says that you have to stay here."

I was so frustrated! I'm fine! Well, fine enough! Ugh!

"There's still like 10 more games so you'll be fine by then." They all eventually left. I wondered what had happened in the 2 weeks. My thoughts wandered off to Sirius.

What exactly? Everything. My feelings, how much he cared, and just everything. Should I still be with him? Should I not? Do I regret my decision? What can I do? I told him it was the last time but it can't be. Can it?

Go with your heart.
Go with your mind.

Wow thanks instincts.

No problem.
You're Welcome.

Should I? I can't. Can I? I really did like him. I think I love him. I really did regret what I said.

She finally realized it.
Yep.

Yeah, yeah. I just need to sleep. I'll think about it later.

~*~

I don't know what to do. At all. Madame Pomfrey only lets me out for meals and I haven't seen Sirius at all this week. At Christmas time Madame Pomfrey let me out and I went to the black lake. To clear my thoughts you know? People started to gossip behind my back, but I didn't care, I am who I am. It was starting to get pretty peaceful now. A little. Padfoot and Prongs was no where to be seen, there was no Quidditch games and Lily and Moony hung around a lot. Lily kept apologizing for Marlene but I could never forgive that. Moony held my hands more, not in an romantic way of course. Just as friends. I think. I saw it as friends so I didn't mind, except for the fact that he was a 6 foot giant.

We went to Hogsmeade together, we spent most of the time at Honeydukes, and spent a while at the three broomsticks where James was.

Sirius and Marlene were snogging in another corner, but he's not mine, is he? No he isn't, I think I made it clear a while ago.

"He's been like this since you recovered. With Marlene I mean."
"I don't mind."
"You don't?"
"No. I made it clear that I didn't want anything to do with him."
"Why?"
"He's hurt me enough Prongs. Moony."

We all exited quite quickly after that, and left for Zonkos. We exited out of the store with our hands full, laughing. Then we bumped into them. Holding hands. I just kept on walking. Prongs stayed and talked to Pads while Moony reassured me.

"I know I shouldn't cry over such an idiot."
"Yeah he is an idiot."
"The biggest one."
"For hurting you."
"I hurt myself actually."
"True."

We continued to have our stupid fights all the way to the carriages where I handed a chocolate to a thestral and it happily ate it. We are our chocolate while laughing at inside jokes we've had for years. It started to snow and my hair got full of snowflakes.

"Why did you cut your hair anyways?"
"I aptas desperate, so if Prongs hadn't rescued my hair I was probably going to shave it." I said laughing slightly, "It was quite horrible really."
"I could imagine."

I looked at his eyes and he looked at mine. No I couldn't. Could I?

I leaned in and kissed him.