here without you

17

I leave the classroom and see Jack waiting in front of it. When he sees me, a grin appears on his face. He walks towards me, asking me if we can talk. I tell him sure even though there's nothing I wouldn't rather do. School is over, so we go outside.

"So, how are you, Roze?" he says.

"Great, really great. I couldn't be better."

"Sorry, I... wasn't thinking."

He runs his fingers through his hair. Jack is popular and good-looking, and he knows it. It makes him confident, and I have rarely seen him nervous. But right now, he is. I have to admit that I find it kinda cute.

"It's okay," I say. "I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry."

He looks at me, shy smile on his face.
"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, but thanks." I force a smile.

"Well, if you ever want to..." Jack shrugs. "I'm there for you."

I think of something to say, but nothing comes to my mind. All of a sudden, Jack takes a step towards me, moving closer to me. He leans forward and puts his mouth against my ear. I feel my heart beating faster.

"I really miss you, Roze," he whispers. His hands are on my neck, and his voice is giving me goosebumps.

"I... miss you, too." I don't think about the words before I say them, they just come out automatically. Maybe there's even some truth in them, I don't know. I miss his touch, and I miss the comforting feeling of safeness he could give me. But I'm not sure I miss him, if that makes sense.

He takes a step back so that he can look at me. I see a wide grin on his face, and his eyes seem to be smiling too. He draws closer to me again, and I know what he's about to do because he has done it plenty of times before. He puts his hand under my chin and lifts it up. But before he can put his mouth on mine, I step backwards, creating a space between us.

"I... I have to go."

He looks perplexed, and I turn away. When I do, I see Jade standing at her car, watching us. I realise that I have completely forgotten that we were meant to go home together. I tell Jack goodbye. I don't wait for his response and just walk off into Jade's direction. I hear him calling after me, but I don't turn back.

"I'm sorry, Jade, I was..."

"...busy snogging Jackass?" She imitates me, putting on a British accent. She smirks, and I blush.

Jade gets in her car, and I follow her. We put on our seatbelts, and I say, "Just so you know, we were not snogging. We were talking."

"It did look like snogging to me."

She sounds amused, and I say nothing, waiting for her to start driving, which she does.

"Well, just so you know, there's a reason why his name is Jackass," she says. Her voice sounds more serious now. "He cheated on you with Mackenzie Campbell. You do remember that, right?" She says the name Mackenzie Campbell like she detests her, and I guess she does since Mackenzie is an obnoxious bitch.

I ignore the second part and say, "His name is not Jackass. It's Jack."

"Whatever, just... Just don't do anything stupid, alright?"

I sense a bit of concern in her voice, which I find sweet of her.

"Alright."

Maybe Jade is right, and I really shouldn't go back to him. If I think about it, it's weird we ever even started dating in the first place. Jack Finnegan is the popular basketball player with a lot of friends, while I'm a quiet loner. He could have had any girl, and he chose me. I'm sure part of it had to do with my looks, but back then I didn't mind. Back then, he was all I wanted.

And now, I just don't know what I want anymore.