here without you

36

"Jade, we're really gonna be late!"

"As if you care, Roze."

She goes back to kissing me, and we move into the direction of my bed. We fall onto it, clumsily. She lets out a laugh. I brush her red hair out of her face, so I can kiss her again.

"We're gonna be so late," she mumbles between some kisses.

My skirt has slightly ridden up, and I feel Jade's hand stroking my thigh. We're still kissing, when she pulls back, looking at me. "If you don't want to...," she whispers, her breath going as fast as mine is. "Do you want to?"

"I... I think so."

She sighs, and then she lets go of me.

"I think so isn't enough," she says, her voice gentle.

"Sure it is. I do want to, I really do!"

Jade gets off my bed. She turns around to me. "No you don't, Roze," she says. "We should really go now."

I get up too. She steps closer to me. Then, she takes her hand and brushes my hair over my ear. "One day - but not today... I don't think you're ready." She places a soft kiss on my lips and puts her hand in mine. "Now, let's go."

And I guess she actually is right. Maybe I'm not ready. At least not yet.

_____

I look at my phone. There's a message from Jade asking me how Funday is going.

"Roze. You know I don't like it when you use your phone during dinnertime."

I look at my mother. "Well, Dad does it all the time."

As though to prove my point his phone buzzes the exact moment I say it. He takes it out, slightly embarrassed. He tells us he's sorry, but that it's urgent. He leaves the room, and my mother and I are left together at the table.

"What are you even doing? Who is texting you all the time? Jack?" She says his name with some sort of optimism.

"Yes, Mum. It's Jack, and he wants to know if I want to come over for sex." He really did use to ask me this back when we were together. I have to admit that I agreed most of the time.

"That's not funny, Roze. Stop messing with me!"

"Then stop being so nosy!"

She looks at me, her lips pressed together in a thin line. I tell her that it's Jade, so that she won't get even madder at me. When I mention her, my mother's face changes to something I'd call delight.

"Oh. Well, I like Jade," she says.

"You do?"

"Yes, I do. She's a charming girl. Besides, I think it's good for you to have girl friends. You shouldn't hang out with Nate all the time - even though I love him. I'm glad you and Jade are so close now."

I wonder what she'd say if I told her just how close we really are. If I told her that about half the time I'm lately spending with Jade is time spent with her lips attached to my lips. Would she still be glad about Jade and me being close then?

"You know, I've noticed you're a lot... happier these days." She puts her hand on mine. "I'm really happy about that. Maybe things are... getting easier."

She smiles at me, and I don't know what to reply, so I just smile back at her.

My father enters the room again, and we go back to eating dinner. Somehow, we manage to end it without a fight. There are only a few moments of silence, which don't even seem as uncomfortable as usual. Maybe my mother is right. Maybe things are getting easier.