here without you

31

I feel something cold, slightly wet touching my face.

"Blue, stop it!"

After opening my eyes, I blink a few times. I see Jade trying to make her dog get off my bed. It must be one of those dreams again. I slowly sit up, feeling sleepy and also awful.

"Jade...?"

"I'm sorry. I really don't know what he's doing. Normally Blue isn't like this."

It takes some time before I realise this actually isn't a dream. I must have fallen asleep, but it looks like I'm awake now. I tell Jade that it's okay, and that I don't mind having Blue on my bed. He nudges his nose against my leg, and I start stroking him, avoiding Jade's gaze. She sits down on my bed, in front of me.

"He reminds me of you. Not just because of his jet-black fur and his brown eyes," she says. "He's kinda like you. He's a bit shy at first, but he's adorable when he decides to trust you."

I look at her. Is it just me, or is she actually blushing a bit?

"Maybe it explains why he seems to like you that much - but how could anyone not like you?"

Now she's definitely blushing, and so am I. But I'm still a bit sleepy and confused. Why is Jade here? Isn't she supposed to be mad at me? She must notice my confusion because she starts talking again.

"I... I heard about what happened. How do you feel?" There's genuine concern on her face.

"I think better..." ...now that you're here. I don't say it - of course I don't. Even though it might be the truth, it would sound cheesy as hell.

"It was really stupid, the whole wall."

"Yeah, kinda."

I see her biting her lip. "So was I. Really stupid, I mean," she says. "I didn't mean to... I was... I'm really sorry, Roze. For saying all of these things, and for calling you a liar, and just for acting so... stupid."

Jade is pretty much never nervous, so I find seeing her like this rather strange, yet also cute. I know that she's sorry, and I'm tired of fighting with her, or whatever it is we were doing. I just want to have her back again.

"Okay," I say.

"Okay?" She frowns. "You just forgive me like this?"

"Well, do you want me not to?"

Her lips curve into a small smile, making me realise how much I have missed seeing her dimples - how much I have missed her.

Jade being here and not being mad at me anymore still feels unreal, but it also reminds me of what I wanted to know so badly ever since Stephanie told me.

"Jade, there's something I wanted to ask you..." I look down at Blue instead of at her. I don't know if I should ask her, but I don't think I can take not knowing any longer. "Did you... Did you want to kiss Evan?"

She could say she didn't have a choice, since it was a dare. Obviously, it would be the truth. But she doesn't. Instead, she asks a question back at me.

"Well, did you want to kiss Tyler?"

I didn't want to, not actually. I only kissed him because I was jealous. Jealous because Jade was flirting with Evan. I couldn't have her, so I comforted myself with his company and his lips. Is Jade saying what I think she is? Did she kiss Evan like that because she was jealous too?

I look up at her, carefully. She looks back at me, with those blue eyes of hers. I can literally hear my heart beating against my chest right now. Neither of us is saying something, but maybe there is no need to.

She moves closer to me, which makes me think my heart might explode. This time, I'm pretty convinced I did not just imagine it - Jade just looked at my lips. I want to lean forward to her, so that my lips can touch hers. I want to find out what she tastes like, and I want to find out what she feels like. I want to kiss her.

Maybe I would have done it - if no one would have knocked on my door. Jade and I quickly back away from each other. Blue starts barking, and she tries to calm him down. My mother comes in, greeting Jade and asking her if she wants to stay for dinner. Before I can find a way to warn her about how horrible dinners are in this house, she has happily agreed on joining us.

We go downstairs, where I see my father sitting at the dining table. For some reason he must have taken a day off from work today. When he sees Jade, he gets up to greet her. He wants to pet Blue; however, he moves away from my father and lays down on the floor. He really is like me.

The strange thing about this dinner is that it doesn't end in a total chaos - or any at all. For the first time since Olive has been gone we manage to have a normal dinner, with a normal conversation, and even some jokes, which are mostly coming from Jade. I'm pretty sure it's only her presence that makes this dinner something other than terrible, but I certainly don't mind.

"Thank you, Addison and Arthur. It was really delicious, I had a great time!" Jade gives them a wide smile. They both hug her and tell her to come by soon again.

She gets Blue, and I walk them out. We stand in front of her car, saying goodbye.

"Thanks for coming by," I say. "I'm glad you did."

"Yeah, me too."

Those bloody dimples...

She hugs me, which causes that feeling inside of me again. Except this time, it's not as confusing as it used to be. I think I'm falling for Jade. And I think she has feelings for me too.