here without you

11

The weekend is over, and I'm glad it is. It means Funday is over - at least until next week. With everything that happened on Sunday today is one of those days when I prefer to be alone. I text Nate that he doesn't have to pick me up, and I drive to school in my own car, which is both nice and lonely at the same time.

I'm late because I didn't want to show up early; I wanted to avoid seeing and talking to people for as long as I could. After I find a place to park, I get out of the car and head to English class.

I reach the room and knock at the door. Mrs Peterson tells me to come in, so I do. I apologise and tell her something about being stuck in traffic. She doesn't question it, and she tells me to sit down.

As I walk to my seat in the last row, people look at me. It's the worst thing about being late, but I guess having fifteen minutes less of the lesson makes it okay.

Mrs Peterson hands us a text which we're told to read and analyse. I try to do it as good as I can, which isn't that good. The class starts discussing the text, and it doesn't take long for my thoughts to wander off someplace else.

I think about Nate. Normally, we drive to school together. Could he think that something is wrong because I drove to school myself today? Is something wrong? I don't even know. It's like lately nothing has been right - not since Olive has left. But I can't really blame her, can I?

I wonder if there's anyone whose life she has affected as much as mine by taking her own. Some of her cheerleader friends might care, I'm not too sure. As far as I know she was friends with many of them.

I know she was close with Jade, but I'm not sure how close. I look over to her. I still don't quite know what to think of her. After what happened at the assembly, I like to believe she cares, and maybe even understands. But what if she doesn't? I'm bad at trusting people. Even if I decided to trust her, it's not that simple for me. Yet Jade seems like a genuinely good person who I could trust. But maybe, it's just wishful thinking.

Maybe, no one really cares. After all, there must be a reason why Olive did it. I keep thinking about it, but I can't figure it out. Why did she do it? And what's even worse: How did I not notice? How could I not see that she was in pain? She could be moody, but I thought it was a normal thing. I couldn't figure out that it was more than just moodiness. Why couldn't she just tell me? If she would have, maybe I could have saved her. Maybe she would still be here then. I'm sure I could have done something, if she would have told me.

It takes a while for me to realise that the lesson is over because I'm so busy thinking. I get up and take my bag. I walk past Mrs Peterson, who looks at me, and I try not to make any eye contact. I don't want to have a talk with her again.

I have just left the room when I notice Jade, leaning against one of the walls, looking like she's been waiting for someone.