here without you

47

It's isn't Jade - it's Jack.

"Roze! I've been looking for you!"

He grins at me.

And I have been looking for Jade.

"Well, guess you found me."

His grin turns even wider. I want to leave him, so that I can find Jade. I want to go back to looking for her, but Jack won't let me. He steps closer to me. His walk seems unsteady, which can only mean he has drunk a lot.

He puts his hand on my waist and pulls me closer to him.

What the hell?

All of a sudden, his body is pressed against my body, and his head is pressed against my neck. I feel the heat and weight of him on me. This whole situation feels bizarre - but also familiar.

"You look so fucking hot," he mumbles.

He kisses my neck, almost aggressively. It's like my whole body has frozen, just like my brain has. I hear him groaning, and I feel his hand moving up my thigh. Suddenly, it hits me what I am doing - or what he is doing.

I take a step backwards, trying to move away from him. He steps forward, his mouth still on my neck.

"Let's go to my room." His mouth moves to my ear. "I know you want to."

I don't want this - I just want Jade.

"No. No, I don't!"

I push him off me. He looks at me, his mouth wide open.

"What the bloody fuck, Jack?"

I feel tears dripping down my face, and  I wipe them off, sniffing.

"What? I -"

"Leave me alone!"

I wheel around. I run away from him, bumping into people. I think some of them get mad at me, but I really couldn't care less. I don't stop.

The whole place is filled with people, and it gives me a feeling of disorientation. Even though I know this place, it takes a horribly long time for me to find the front door. When I finally do, I yank it open and head to my car, as fast as I can.

"Roze!"

I stop. I know this voice. It belongs to the person I was desperately looking for. I turn around, and I see Jade. For the first time since I have arrived at this place, I feel something like good.

"Roze, what are you doing?"

She walks towards me and stops in front of me. She looks at me, her eyes scanning my face. I'm not crying anymore, but I'm pretty sure my face is smudged with makeup.

"Nothing," I say. "I think I'm not feeling that well. I think I'll go home."

Although I just want to be with Jade right now, I think it's better if I'm not. I know how excited she was for tonight, and I don't want to be the person who ruins this for her.

"What?" She looks confused. "What happened with you, Roze?"

"Nothing did."

I start walking to my car again, and Jade follows me. She tells me stop. She grabs my hand, so I do.

"What happened, Roze? Talk to me."

"Nothing happened." I withdraw my hand from hers. "I'm just... not feeling well, that's all."

She opens her mouth, but I won't let her talk.

"Jade, I just want to go home, okay? You can stay. It's okay, really. Don't worry."

For a moment, neither of us says something. We just look at each other. I'm sure she knows I'm not telling her the entire truth. I'm about to go when she says, "Fine. Then I'll go with you."

"What? No, you won't. You don't have to do that. I told you you can stay here."

"Well, but I don't want to stay here." Pause. "I want to be with you."

I stare at her, not knowing what to say or what to do. Then, Jade walks to my car, turns around and says, "Well, are you coming?"

_____

I look at Jade. She's putting on her seatbelt.

"You really don't want to stay?"

She looks back at me.

"No. I told you I don't want to stay."

I know she's doing this for me, and even though I appreciate it, I don't like it. She shouldn't have to leave the party only because of me.

"But it's Halloween. You love Halloween! I know how much you wanted to go to this party, so why are you changing your mind now?"

"Roze, I really don't care about the party, okay?"

"But of course you do."

"No, I don't." She puts her hand on my thigh. "I don't care about the party - I care about you."

I don't know what to say, so I repeat to her that it's Halloween - the holiday she loves the most -, and she lets out a sigh.

"Yes, I do love Halloween. But that doesn't mean I love every Halloween party. And to be honest, the only good thing about this one was the decoration. Apart from that the party was shit. Everyone was drunk as hell, Britney was annoying, and you weren't even there!" She shakes her head.

"You think Britney was annoying?"

Jade laughs. "That is the one detail you paid attention to while I was talking?Really?"

"Well, kinda. Because I thought you liked her..."

I tell Jade how our conversation with Britney seemed like to me.

"So that is why you left... Well, I really wish I would have left with you." She lets out a little snort. "But what happened after that? Clearly something was up - or is, I don't know."

So I tell Jade what happened. I tell her about Mike, about Stephanie, and even about Jack. I was scared she'd be mad at me, but of course, she isn't. I should have probably known.

"But I'm sorry anyway," I say. "I pretty much ruined Halloween for you, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't, idiot. Besides, Halloween isn't over yet, there's still more than an hour left."

I take a look at the time. She's right.

"Well, then I guess we should use that time."