here without you

22

On Monday I drive to school with Nate again. Although it's fun, I have to admit that I miss Jade's jokes and the sound of her laugh. We get out of the car and Nate heads to the gym, while I enter the school building.

I walk to my locker to take out some books. I see Jade standing at hers, talking to Evan Walker. I see the cute dimples on her face and hear her laughing. She's playing with her hair, and Evan is standing quite close to her. I wonder, Is she flirting with him?

She comes over to me, and I take out a book, pretending I haven't been watching her.

"Hey stalker," she says, a wide smile on her face.

I stare at her, feeling caught. "I wasn't..."

"...watching Evan and me?" She says it in that British accent she uses to make fun of me.

"Stop doing that! I don't even sound like that." I roll my eyes at her. It isn't true - I actually do sound like that. Her accent is pretty good, but I hate to tell her.

Jade is beaming at me, and I wonder, Is it because of Evan or me?

"Do you like Evan?"

"Uhm, I guess? I mean, would I be talking to him if I don't like him?"

"No, I... I mean, do you like him?"

I look at her, waiting for an answer. She's still looking confused, but then she seems to get it. She lets out a laugh.

"Gosh, Roze! Just ask me if I'm into him or something. How am I supposed to understand you when you talk like that?"

She laughs, and I can't help but laugh with her. Yet, I'm still waiting for her answer. I don't know why, but for some reason it feels important for me to know.

"If I was you, I wouldn't be laughing."

Madame Laurent has appeared out of nowhere. She's standing in front of us, an expression on her face that immediately makes us stop laughing.

"I know both of you skipped French class."

Neither of us denies it because obviously, she's right.

"Je mets vous en retenue," she says, and then she just storms off.

"I have no idea what she just said, but I feel like she gave us detention," I say.

"Yeah... I think you're right."

_____

After school, Jade and I go to the room we have French class in. Madame Laurent tells us to clean the tables. It's an unusual punishment, but we don't question it. She leaves the room, telling us she's going to be back in about half an hour. We start scrubbing the tables with sponges and cleaning supplies.

"This could be worse, you know," Jade says.

"How? I don't see how it could be."

"For example, worse company." She smiles at me.

"Worse company than you? I don't think that's possible."

"Well, actually it is - you are worse company than me."

"No, I'm not. Besides, a second ago you said I'm great company."

"I didn't say that."

"But you meant it."

"Maybe," she says. "But, anyway, I'm the best company there is, and you totally love being with me - everyone does."

"Maybe."

About twenty minutes later, we're finished and also exhausted. It wasn't that bad, but I feel like that's only because of Jade. We talked with each other the entire time, and we laughed a lot.

I look at the clock and groan. "There are still about five minutes left."

"At least it's five minutes without scrubbing stupid tables."

We're sitting on one of them because Jade said we have to take advantage of having clean tables since that's pretty much never the case.

"You know what I'd like now?" she says.

"Chocolate?" It's the first thing which comes to my mind. Jade lets out a laugh.

"No, idiot." She looks at me, hesitating.

"Then what?" I have no clue what she is about to say.

"Would you... mind if I put on some music?"

Her blue eyes look at me, hopeful and also optimistic. I don't want to destroy that optimism, but I don't think I want to listen to music.

Jade must know what's going on inside of me because she says, "Just one song! And you can turn it off any time you want to."

I think about it. After all, it's only her and me in this room. Even if I cried or something - it's not like she hasn't seen me doing that before.

"Alright."

Jade lets out a sound of joy, and she scrolls through her phone, beaming. She looks so happy it makes me think that maybe seeing her like this is enough to not make me regret my decision.

"Just make sure it's a good one... I'd prefer one that won't make me cry." I'm not even sure if I'm joking.

"I think I found one."

She looks at me for a moment before pressing the play button.

It's a calm, rather slow love song sung by Lana del Rey. Her voice goes very well with the song, and I think I actually like it. There are some lines that I like in particular.

"I got so scared, I thought no one could save me
You came along, scooped me up like a baby"

I look at Jade, sitting next to me, and I think that is how I feel about her. I used to be scared because I thought I can't ever feel happy without my sister here. But then Jade came into my life, and things just became so different, so much better. Even if we haven't been friends for long, I don't want to lose her. For the first time since Olive's been gone, I feel somewhat good, and I know that Jade has a lot to do with it.

She turns her head to me. She looks at me, and I look at her. For a while we just look at each other, our eyes holding each other. Jade's eyes contain the most interesting shades of blue I've ever seen, and they remind me why blue is my favourite colour. I take in the other details of her face, and I think I understand why so many guys like her. She's beautiful. But that isn't everything. It's not just her looks, there's so much more.

I see her eyes moving downwards, looking at my lips. It makes my heart beat faster than I think it ever has. I'm pretty sure I know what's about to happen, and at the same time I don't, because there's no way I could be right.

But before anything can happen at all, the door is opened with a loud sound, taking me back to reality. Madame Laurents marches into the room.

"What do you think you're doing?"

At first I'm shocked, but then I realise she's talking about us sitting on the table we have just cleaned. What else would she be talking about?

We immediately get off it. She tells us, sharpness in her voice, that we can go, and we don't hesitate.