here without you

51

It wasn't real. It was just a dream.

I look to my right. Jade is lying there, fast asleep. I hesitate, but then I tell myself I promised her. I put my hand on her shoulder and wake her up. Her eyes blink several times, still half asleep.

Eventually, she notices me sitting next to her, arms wrapped around my body, and my breath going too fast. She looks worried, which almost makes me regret my decision to wake her up.

She moves closer to me and gently places her hand on my back. She rubs it, while murmuring comforting words. I try to focus on her voice, but the images of Olive won't go away.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Can't," I say, shaking my head. It doesn't seem like I can manage to produce a whole sentence.

Jade stops rubbing my back for a second to turn on the light next to her bed. At the foot of her bed, I see Blue has woken up too. He comes over to us and brushes my leg with his nose. I pet him, trying to find some sort of distraction.

"Did I ever tell you about the day we got Blue?"

I look at Jade. I shake my head. She starts telling me the story, and I listen to her talking.

It was about two months after their mother had passed away, when her father, out of nowhere, decided to get a dog. That day, instead of to school, he just drove them to an animal shelter without telling them about his plan. Both of the twins, but especially Jade, have always begged their parents to get a dog, so they got really excited when they finally figured out where their father was taking them. They took a look at all the dogs there, and ended up being particularly fond of Blue.

"...It was the first good day after her death. All of us just were... something like happy, and it felt like we were a family, even if she wasn't there with us... Or maybe it even felt like she was there too."

Jade has a little smile and a slightly absent look on her face. It seems like the memory of that day makes her really happy. Weirdly enough, I find it calming to see her looking this happy.

"What was she like? Your mother?"

Jade looks at me, and I realise what I have just asked. I feel dumb because I don't see how Jade would want to talk about her dead mother now. Yet it seems like she doesn't mind - at all.

"She was great. I know that's what a lot of people would say about their own mother, but she really was," Jade says. "She was always there for all of us, and she looked after us. She was a rather shy person, but once she got to know people better, she would get really attached to them, just like they would to her. Most people would instantly like my mother when they met her. There was something about her that made them like and trust her, even if they didn't know her yet."

"She sounds like a very good person and mother. I really wish I could have met her."

"Yeah, I wish you could have. I'm sure she would have liked you."

"Really?"

"Really."

Jade looks at Blue, smiling.

"You know, maybe that is why we chose Blue that day," she says. "Maybe he just reminded us of her since he's shy and rather calm."

She starts stroking him too, still smiling. It looks like Jade doesn't mind to talk about her mother, and I'm pretty sure she even likes it, so I say, "Could you tell me about some other memory of your mother?"