here without you

28

"So you're fine now?"

"Yes, Nate. I told you I was just tired after the party," I say. "And you know what my weekends are like with stupid Funday and..." I shrug.

And my secret nightmares about Olive, and my secret feelings for Jade.

I take a book out of my locker.

"Has it... Has it anything to do with what happened with Tyler?"

The book slips out of my hand. Nate gets down to pick it up for me.

"How do you know about that? Did he tell you?"

I thought what happened in the bathroom would stay between him and me, but apparently I can't trust Tyler. Maybe I should have known. After all people like to tell stories, right? They like to gossip, and they like to spread rumours. I've never been one of those people who talk about others - rather one who's talked about -, but I know they exist. Tyler seems like a nice guy, but apparently he's not. Apparently, he's one of them.

"No, he didn't," Nate says. "Tyler isn't like that, he's a decent guy."

I'm relieved, but still confused.

"Then who...?"

"Jade did. You didn't answer any of my texts, and you seemed so weird after the party, so I thought I should ask her."

I ask Nate what she told him, and I try not to seem too interested in what Jade said. Nate shrugs. "Well, she told me about you making out with Tyler in a bathroom - which apparently, you didn't think your best friend would want to know." He raises his eyebrows at me.

"I'm sorry, Nate. It just... kinda happened. It didn't mean anything."

It really didn't. After thinking about it, I'm convinced I wouldn't have slept with him, even if Jade wouldn't have come in.

"But you never do things like that! I know you don't even like Tyler, so why would you make out with him? Were you trying to make someone jealous?"

Yes.

"You mean Jack? No... I don't know why I did it, okay?"

I really don't, at least I'm not entirely sure why. I guess some part of me wanted to make Jade jealous, another one wanted to forget her, and the rest of me just felt lonely.

I'm tired of talking about Tyler, and I'm tired thinking about Jade, so I change the subject. I ask Nate if he's asked out Stephanie yet, and he tells me he hasn't.

"Well, you should," I say. "It's not as though you can't have her. If you can have her, just go get her. I mean, it's so easy for you, Nate."

Nate looks at me, and I get the feeling that he knows I'm not just talking about Stephanie. But maybe it's just me being paranoid.

"Okay, I think I will," he says.

"Well, I really hope you will, you should."

I really mean it, I want Nate to ask out Stephanie. I actually think they'd be good together, and if they end up together, at least that will mean one of us is happy.

_____

I see Jade sitting in the cafeteria, chatting with some other cheerleaders and a few guys. I can't see Evan anywhere, which of course doesn't say anything. I hope Nate doesn't realise how often I look over to her - but he does.

"You could just go over to Jade and talk to her, you know," he says. "Or we go and sit with them, it's fine with me."

"Yeah, Stephanie is sitting there, so of course it's fine with you."