here without you

66

I'm sitting at the dining table with my parents - on a regular weekday. Opposite me is my father and to my right, at the end of the table, is my mother. They are actually working less now, like my father has told me they are going to do.

It's like Funday, except it isn't Sunday. A memory runs through my head: A Funday with both my parents and also Jade at a restaurant. It was actual fun - especially the part when Jade and I disappeared to the bathroom to make out with each other.

I think back to it. To her lips on my lips, her hand in my hair and my hand on her neck, her warm skin on my cold skin, her laugh mixed with my laugh. I hear my father clearing his throat. I look at him. He's nodding a tiny bit in the direction of my mother.

"Sorry, I was... What did you say, Mum?"

"I said how was your day." She smiles at me.

"It was..." I'm almost about to say fine, but then I remind myself that they are trying and that I should too. "It wasn't too good, but it was okay. I, um... I might have... missed a few periods."

"Missed?" She raises her eyebrows. "Or do you mean skipped?"

"Skipped."

I seem them exchanging a quick look. Then my father looks at me and says, "Well, um... Was there at least a reason why you skipped?"

"Sort of. I... I had French." Pause. "With Jade."

"Oh. So you skipped to avoid her?"

"No, not exactly. I... I might have been kicked out of class."

"Kicked out of class? For what?"

"Well..." I hesitate, but then I tell them that I talked to Jade in English, which is why Madame Laurent freaked out. "...and then she got really mad at me and told me to get out, so I did. And I didn't feel like standing outside, or going to the rest of my classes, so I just didn't."

I look at both my parents, and they don't even seem to be mad. Instead, they are wearing looks of amusement with a hint of curiosity.

My mother says, "So what did you talk about with Jade?"

I open my mouth, close it, open it again. "Aren't you guys supposed to lecture me on how I'm not allowed to skip classes or something?"

"Would you like that?"

I slowly shake my head.

"Well, then," my father says, "just tell us about what you were talking about with Jade."

"We... Well, we didn't talk that much. Actually, she was the one who didn't talk much. It was sort of only me rambling about Sunday." I see their confused faces, and I add, "On Sunday is the anniversary of their mother's death. Five years."

We all go quiet for a moment.

"Are you going to do anything with Jade?"

"Dad, I can't do anything with her. I broke up with her - remember?"

"Yeah, but... Well, you could still do something nice for her, right?"

"Like what? Buy her a card?"

"Your father is right, Roze. I'm sure Jade would appreciate it."

I have actually thought about it - about doing something for Jade. I have thought about it quite a lot, but then I told myself not do it, because she will hate whatever I would do and rip apart whatever I would give her.

"I don't know if she would like that," I say.

"Then I guess you should find out." My father gives me a smile, just like my mother does.