here without you

48

I take Jade's hand and take her with me to my room.

"Your house is kinda scary at night, you know? I really can't believe your parents let you be in here alone. I bet some people would try to break in," she says. "I don't think I would want to be in here alone."

"Well, we have an extremely good alarm system. We're not complete idiots." I roll my eyes. "Besides, I'm used to it. My parents often sleep at the hotel, especially my father. I mean, he owns it." I smile at Jade. "And you're not alone right now - you're with me."

"Yeah, I am." She smiles back at me.

I open the door to my room, and the light switches on automatically. I notice my reflection in the mirror.

"Why didn't you tell me that I'm looking like complete shit right now?"

"Because you don't - you look incredible."

She kisses my nose, making me laugh.

My makeup feels sticky, so I get some makeup wipes. Jade and I sit down on my bed, and she takes a wipe out of the package. With one hand she removes my makeup, while she holds my face with the other.

"Jade?"

"Roze?"

Grinning.

"Why do you like Halloween so much?"

She stops wiping off my makeup for a moment to look at me. Then she tells me.

Back when her mother was alive, Halloween was a huge deal for the Cadwells. Her mother was obsessed with it. She loved making costumes, decorating the entire house, and handing out sweets to children. She loved everything about Halloween - and so did the rest of her family.

"... I guess Halloween just reminds me of her."

She finishes removing my makeup, so I decide it's my turn now to remove hers. I take another wipe out of the package and take her face into my hands.

"But isn't it depressing? To be reminded of her?"

"No, not really. Somehow, it never really made me sad, but rather the opposite. It just sort of feels like she's here with us again." Jade shrugs. "Who knows? Maybe she always is. She definitely is on Halloween - or at least it feels like that for me."

I get up from my bed, taking the used wipes with me to throw them in a bin.

"I don't think I could feel that way about Olive..."

I confess to Jade how scared the thought of holiday celebrations make me. I'm dreading Thanksgiving, just like I'm dreading Christmas, New Year's Eve, Easter, and also birthdays. Olive loved Christmas, she was obsessed with it. Not having her here for this year's Christmas - or any year's Christmas - just feels wrong.

Jade gets up too. She walks over to me.

"I used to feel like that too when my mum died. And I'm not gonna lie, it was horrible. The first Christmas without her was the worst, and so were the first birthdays. But eventually, it got easier."

She cups my face with both her hands.

"It gets easier, Roze. It doesn't mean it won't ever hurt again, but it does get easier. I promise you it will."

Her blue eyes are looking into mine. I'm not quite sure I believe her, but her words do make me feel better.

"I really hope you're right."

"I am." She takes a step closer to me. Her face is almost touching mine. "And it's not like you'll spend any of those days alone. I'll be there with you."