here without you

08

I don't think I'll ever be able to understand maths. Actually, I'm sure I won't ever. I look at the sheet filled with exercises. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Of course I could ask the teacher, but that is something I always try to avoid. It would just make her think I'm even more stupid than she already thinks I am. Plus, I probably wouldn't understand what she's saying anyway.

I check the time. Surprisingly, there's only three minutes left. It would be stupid trying to solve another exercise now, not only because it will be wrong.

I look around the room. Some of them have already packed up and are waiting for the end of the lesson, like me. As I look around, Jack Finnegan catches my eye. He's looking at me, his eyes meeting mine. He gives me a crooked smile, and I give him a faint one.

The bell rings, so I get up. I have just left the room, when I hear Jack calling out for me. I consider ignoring him, but it's already too late. Before I know it he's standing in front of me.

"Are you trying to run away from me?" He raises one of his eyebrows and looks at me with a funny expression.

"Maybe."

Jack lets out one of his loud laughs. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. I'm almost about to leave, but then he says something.

"So, I don't know if you heard, but um... I ended things with Mackenzie. For good."

Neither of us says something for a moment; we're just looking at each other.

"What exactly do you want me to say, Jack? That I'm happy about that?"

"Maybe? I mean... Roze, I'm really sorry, okay?"

I laugh, sarcastically. "You cheated on me with her. Do you think that's okay?"

I see pain forming on his face, and it seems genuine. I almost feel bad, but then I tell myself he is the one who should be feeling bad, not me. I don't think I want to talk to him any longer. I'm about to go, but Jack reaches for my hand. His touch feels so familiar that I don't take it back at first.

"Roze, I..."

As he starts talking again, I see Jade passing the hallway with Jaxon, her twin brother. I take the opportunity, which seems like the only way of getting out of this.

I call out for her, which makes her and her brother stop. For a second she looks puzzled, but then she sees Jack standing next to me, and she seems to understand.

"Didn't you want to talk with me?" I say, hoping she'll play along.

"I did - I was looking for you literally everywhere!" Her voice sounds excited, and she seems cheerful. She sure knows how to act.

"Well, I gotta go. I'll see you, Jack."

I walk off with Jade, leaving him standing with Jaxon. I see him saying something to Jack, who looks slightly disappointed. But I don't care about that right now, I'm just glad I managed to leave.

By now, Jade and I have walked away so far from them that we're out of their sight.

"Why were you talking to Jackass Finnegan?"

I'm not surprised Jade is calling him that. Jackass is a nickname Olive would use for him since she didn't like him very much. I don't use it, but I must admit I do find it fitting. Sometimes Jack can be a real jackass.

I feel like I owe her, so I tell her what he said to me.

"Are you kidding? He's an asshole, just like Mackenzie. Please don't tell me you've forgiven this guy." She snorts, and she looks annoyed. Does she care about me, or about the drama? I can't tell.

To be completely honest, I might have forgiven Jack. I'm not entirely sure. I'm not as mad at him as I used to be, but that's only because I had other stuff on my mind - like my dead sister. The only thing I can say for sure is that I'm not planning on getting back with him.

Since I don't know whether Jade really cares, I don't tell her. I almost do because I hear Nate saying you should give her a chance. And she did help me out, but somehow I still don't trust her.

"Well, even if I would have, I don't think it's any of your business," I say.

"You do realise I just helped you, Roze."

What is that supposed to mean? I don't know if she's mad at me or something. The tone of her voice is neutral, and her face is difficult to read.

"What do you want to hear now? Thank you?"

Jade laughs, and I realise that she has a very lovely laugh. It's honest and bright, and it's the type that makes you want to join in the laughter of the person. I try not to grin.

"You're welcome," she says, and then she sighs. "You know, you're not like your sister at all, Roze. You're a lot harder to get to know." Is she trying to insult me right now? But when she continues, I realise she isn't. "It's not a bad thing." She pauses. "It actually makes you quite interesting."

I guess it's my turn now to say something nice, but of course I don't. I stand there like an idiot, not knowing what to say. We just look at each other until Jade says, "Well, I'll see you around." And then, she just goes.