here without you

23

"Roze? Are you listening to me?"

"What?"

I look at Nate, who is looking back at me.

"Is something wrong?"

I was thinking about Jade and about what almost happened - or what I think almost happened. We didn't talk about it afterwards, and she behaves the same way around me she always does.

Maybe she wasn't looking at my lips, maybe it was just my imagination.

I start thinking that I was just seeing and feeling things that weren't really there. I didn't tell Nate about it, even though we don't ever keep secrets from each other. I can't tell him this, can I?

"No... Just didn't get a lot of sleep last night," I say. It's not even a lie. I laid awake, thinking about Jade, and the bits of dreams I can remember were filled with her.

I'm not sure Nate believes me, so I start talking about something else. I'm busy talking when Jade comes by and sits down at our table. When I see her I feel my heart going crazy, but I act as normal as I can. I let Nate talk and say nothing, while trying not to look at Jade.

"You wanna go?" Nate says, looking at me. I don't have a clue what they were talking about, so I just say I don't know.

"But it'll be fun, Evan's party," Jade says. I'm not sure if she mentions his party on purpose for me to understand what we're talking about, but I'm glad she does.

"Um, yeah. Why not?" I say.

"That's great! I think Evan..." Jade continues talking.

I see Nate looking at me, giving me a strange look. He knows. Except he can't, because there is nothing to know. Jade is my friend, and that's all she is. That's all she should be, and clearly wants to be. She and I had a weird moment, and I must have terribly misunderstood the whole situation. That's all.

_____

I'm standing outside, waiting for Nate, when I see Jade walking towards me.

Just act normal.

"Nate wants me to tell you some special practice came up."

"Oh, okay. Thanks... Guess I'll find another way to go home."

"Well, obviously I'll take you, idiot," she says. "Let's hang out."

"Hang out?"

The last thing I want to do right now is to hang out with Jade. Being around her makes me feel weird things, and it's just confusing.

"That's what friends do - spending time with each other, you know?"

I don't want her to think that anything is up, plus I don't have Nate to take me, so I agree.

_____

The Cadwells' house is a lovely blue house, and it looks exactly like the one I would imagine a happy family to live in. As we enter it, I realise that the inside of it is just as pretty as the outside. It's comfortable and nicely decorated, and there's a faint smell of something freshly baked.

Jade leads me upstairs, to her room.

"So this is my glorious room." She turns around to me. "It's not exactly as crazy as your room, but I guess not everyone can live in a ridiculous mansion."

Unlike my room, hers looks like one where an actual teenager could be living in. The furniture is modern - but not extra fancy -, and there are photographs showing Jade with her friends and family. Her bed is rather big - but not huge, like mine -, and a big black, beautiful dog is sitting on it.