A World That Is Not Mine

II.

Later on in the day, Stevie had gotten herself together to start her research. She was going to go back in her journals and see what she had missed. There were still so many unanswered questions and she had wanted the answers. As she went back in her journal---the previous years, from when her son had died, she skimmed over it all. She was trying and going as far as to what rising sun and moon was in horoscope of the month. She wanted to go back because, she felt the need to, to get her answers.

Later in the evening, Rick came home from work---he was a lawyer and he always left early in the morning, so he would have more time with Stevie. Even if it wasn't something she necessarily wanted or needed.

"Hey, babe?" he emerged through the front door. As he walked through the foyer, he noticed he didn't get a response. "Hey?" he said once again, staring at his wife who was seated on the floor in the living room. She had journals surrounding her, along with her stones---a notepad, and she looked to be taking notes.

"Hi..." she said after a few minutes. She could sense him there, but she was too taken by what she was doing to care.

"You realize I'm home, right?" he set his briefcase down.

She looked up at him, confused almost. "Of course, I do. I'm not totally oblivious, I'm just busy."

"Well, you could respond," he took his jacket off and hung it in the closet.

"I don't have to do anything. What I have to do is figure this out. If you were working on a case, I'm sure you wouldn't want somebody bothering you," she moved to her tarot cards and shuffled them over her journal---the page that she had written on the day she found out her son was murdered. It was full of pain and anger---enough to maybe merge behind it and find other things

"Stephanie, how long have you been doing this?" he gestured to the floor and all of her writings.

"Uh, like twenty-five years..." she responded.

"Can you stop being a smart-ass? how long have you been doing this today?" he asked---becoming irritated.

She fell flat on her knees and looked up at him once again. "All day, Rick---what?" she shrugged.

"Did you do anything else?" he shoved his hands in his pockets.

She stayed quiet because, she hadn't really done anything. "I slept because, I didn't sleep well. I got up around one and I started this."

"Did you eat?" he asked.

She looked down at all of her things. She wasn't worried that she hadn't eaten because, she wasn't hungry. She was too focused on what she wss trying to do. She, in her mind thought she was trying to find out how to talk to her son.

"I'll order something," he began making his way upstairs, to get changed out of his work clothes.

Stevie got up and started closing her journals and putting them away. She wanted to start making dinner before he ordered anything. She felt bad, she hadn't cooked for him---greatly in a while. She believed he kind of deserved it for doing so much for the two of them and she didn't contribute too much. She squandered around her kitchen and went through the cabinets to find something. She pulled out some pasta and sauce and decided to throw that together.

When her husband came down, he could see her her pouring sauce in to a pan and lightly seasoning it. He watched from the stairs because, he could see she gave it a second thought, he also looked down to their living room and she had completely cleared the floor of her things. He proceeded down the steps to meet her at the bar. "What are you doing?" he asked softly.

She turned around to take him in---he was wearing some comfier clothing and he just looked at her so serious. She didn't know what to think of it. "I'm sorry, I'm just trying to make up. I know, I haven't been paying too much attention to you and I feel bad. I just have a lot on my mind and it's hard to process when I am not doing what I need to be. I know that I should be calmer and less frustrated, but what I do is tiring..." she paused---recalling he was a lawyer who worked in an office all day, hearing clients complain all day. "On a soul level," she added.