Secret Mistake

100.

This is going to be hard to write... but here goes nothing...

GIA POV

Have you ever felt like you were losing control of yourself?. Watching our baby struggle to breath hit me so hard. Something so innocent and defenseless I couldn't protect. Made me feel like a failure. That same feeling I felt majority of me life.

After seeing kairo he seems to be doing a little better. Once they remove the breathing machine we'll be able to take him home. But until then... Ryan didn't really understand why his little brother wasn't home.

"Mommy is kairo okay?" He asked. I nodded "he's okay now" I said.

"Why is he still in the hospital?" He asked.

"Well you know how you have two lungs?" He nodded "yeah?". "Well kairos lungs aren't fully grown so it's hard for him to breathe on his own". Ryan frowned "when will he come home?". Shrugging "that I don't know. But hopefully soon". He smiled and went to play with some toys Delano got him.

Speaking of Delano he came back from going out before. To be honest he hasn't been that vocal with me about what's going on with kairo. So I don't know what's going on in that head of his. "Hey" He said. Glancing at him "hey, where have you been?".

"Just went out to clear my head" he said. I nodded going into the bathroom to get something I left. Delano came in after me closing the door "I want to talk to you".

"If it's anything stupid... please don't bother especially with everything going on" I said.

"Just listen. After seeing what happened to kairo it opened up my eyes" he said.

"It took our son to have health problems for you to open up your eyes? You can't be serious. Do you know if we wasn't fighting throughout this whole pregnancy he would be here with us. You do know that right?!".

"I realized that" he said.

"Honestly believing if you have just left me in that condo things would've been calmer" I said.

"I didn't come in here to fight" he said. Fighting back tears because our son should be here and he's not. "It's not fair. He should be here with us!". Delano walked up to me trying to console me. But I felt the need this was partially his fault. If he would just listen to myself or the therapist we wouldn't be here. Pushing him off of me "don't touch me!".

He seemed a little taken back "Look I know you're hurting but so am I".

"You should be! If you would've just stopped being a control freak we wouldn't be in this situation" I said.

"That's not fair, Gia!" He said. I was trying to contain my anger. "You know what's not fair. An innocent baby is fighting for his life because our unhappiness".

He didn't say anything.

Feeling the warm tears fall down my cheeks. It's crazy how my emotions wasn't this crazy when I went to visit kairo earlier. Walking to the bathroom door Delano decided to block it. "Move!". He didn't budge "Delano, move!".

Trying to move him myself but to no avail he was too strong. Now I'm mad. "What is your problem?! Huh?!".

He didn't respond. Not realizing what he was doing.

"Isn't it bad enough what we are going through. And all you can do is stand in my way with nothing said?". Delano grabbed me pulling me into a hug. Blocking him from putting arms around me. "You need this. Don't fight it" he said.

"Don't tell me what I need. You don't know nothing about what I need. That was always the problem you thinking you know what's best for someone. And look we have a baby who can't defend himself fighting for his life" I said.

"Gia..." He said.

"No!" I pulled from his grasp. He wouldn't stop grabbing me so I started punching his chest. He knew exactly what he was doing. "I hate feeling like I failed. I don't want to prove my mother right" I cried. Delano stood there and let me use him as a punching bag. Once he saw I was done he pulled me into a hug. Crying into his chest he tightly hugged me "it's okay to cry. But our son will pull through. I didn't want you to bottle any of this emotion in. I wanted you to let it all out".

Not saying anything I just cried. We both sat on the bathroom floor embraced in each other's arms. "Gia I love you with everything. As much as we fight I know it's because we truly love each other". Looking up at him through my reared filled eyes "I love you too". Delano looked at me surprised "can't believe you said that. It's all I wanted to hear from you".

After a couple of minutes we figured we had to check on Ryan. Making sure my eyes wasn't puffy Delano intertwined his hands in mine as we walked out the bathroom together. "You okay?" He asked. I nodded "thank you".

"For you? No problem as long as you are okay" he said. I don't know what just happened but it feels like a breath of fresh air just appeared in the room. I just hope soon enough kairo gets better and we all can go back home.

I have no idea if what I just wrote made sense. In my head it did lol