The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings Imagines

~Fili~

~Food for trolls.~

"Well isn't that pleasant," you grumbled quietly to yourself, watching as one of the three trolls blew snot into their stew.

You were tied to a post, near four ponies. Wait...if there's ponies, there's people! You thought to yourself, peeking up at the thought of being rescued from becoming troll food.

You blew your hair out of your face, sighing. A rustling a few feet away from you caught your attention. You turned to see a hobbit trying to saw at one of the knots keeping the ponies from escaping.

"Psst!" You hissed, trying to catch his attention. The hobbit jumped, and looked up with wide eyes. His eyes landed on you.

"Good lord! Are you alright miss?" He asked, quickly but quietly rushing over to you.

"Just peachy," you grumbled. "I smell like a stinkin' troll!"

He freed you from your bonds, and went back to trying to free the ponies. You rushed into the trees, keeping an eye on him. Trolls are nasty.

You winced sympathetically as one of the trolls used him as a snot rag.

You rushed out, brandishing your sword, which you has retrieved from the troll hoard. "Drop 'im!"

You felt two more pairs of eyes on you, and glanced towards the bushes, seeing two dwarves gaping at you. You get that a lot. You're half dwarf, half elf. 'Stunning beauty on such a short body,' as Thranduil said. Dick head.

"You what?" The one holding the hobbit said, looking over at you.

"I said," you ground out. "Drop 'im!"

"You're tha' Half-Breed we captured! How'd you 'scape?!" The "head troll" exclaimed, pointing his wooden spoon at you.

"You can here my bedtime story after you put the hobbit down!"

The troll sneered at you, and through the hobbit at you, you caught him easily, setting him on the ground.

You smiled maliciously at the trolls, before launching yourself at them, a war cry flying from your mouth.

The trolls screeched, swatting at themselves, trying to catch you.

You leant on your sword, next to the two dwarves. "Sup?" you said, smiling at them. The blonde one, Fili, started flirting with you, and the dark-haired one, Kili, made a puking noise. Bilbo, the hobbit, nodded in agreement.

"Gotcha!" You were suddenly snatched into the air. You looked boringly at the troll holding you.

You clapped your hands sarcastically, smiling wryly. "Good job. Troll-y wanna cookie?"

That's how you, and thirteen other dwarves and a hobbit, got tied up in sacks, to be roasted over a fire. In fact, some of the dwarves were roasting over the fire, squirming in their bonds, trying to get loose.

"Let's get a move on, I don't fancy being turned to stone," a troll said.

Then they started arguing over seasoning.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

A lightbulb went on over your head.

"Hey! You! Stinkies numbers 1, 2, and 3!" You called, hopping to your feet.

"What'd you call us?"

"Never mind that, bird brain, I need to tell you something!"

The troll looked interested. "Yes?" Just need to keep them busy until sunrise, you told yourself.

"You're doin' it wrong!" You told them. "With the seasoning, I mean."

"How?" The troll sneered at you.

"Uh...er...." You mumbled through the dwarves' protests. "You need to marinate them! For seven hours! In rosemary and melted butter!"

"I say we just eat them raw!" The other troll said, lifting a fat dwarf up to his mouth.

"Wait!" You shouted. "Not that one! He's infested! With parasites! In fact, all of them are!"

The dwarves protested further, insulting you. Thorin, the leader, finally caught on, and kicked Kili in the leg, giving him 'the look.'

"I've got parasites! Huge parasites!"

The other dwarves joined in, desperately.

"What? Do you expect us to let them all go?" The troll asked.

"Well..."You started.

"The little ferret is taking us for fools!"

"Ferret?! How dare you! I'm-" the troll kicked you, sending you flying into Fili.

"Are you alright?" He asked, looking into your eyes.

"I'm fine. Nothing but a bruised pride." He chuckled, his chest rumbling under your head.

"May the dawn take you all!" An old dude in a grey cloak yelled, cracking the rock. The trolls turned to stone, and you were freed.

Fili looked down at you. "You are quite brave, for a fair maiden such as yourself."

"Why thank you, kind sir," you said, mock bowing to him.

He chuckled again, making you melt.

This is how you came to join the Company of Thorin Oakenshield, and came to be Fili's beloved wife.