A MAN'S SORROW CUTS DEEPER

Without her...

Can fought a war so devastating within his soul that he lost on both ends. The warrior in him lost his footing, and chose to give in. And the lover in him lost just as much, believing that to stay would mean to see his Sanem in the arms of another. In the arms of the one man he knew would never give to Sanem what he longed to offer her. The one man that Can knew was a liar, manipulator, and just as conniving as Hüma herself.

With his heart burnt again by the sight of Sanem within the clutches of Yigit's influence, Can felt he had lost her again. She was still as oblivious to Yigit's vile venom as before. His family was grateful to see him, yet they still believed in Yigit's version of the story, without one single word of support in his side of how the events of that day had turned out. No one asked how he felt about seeing Yigit at his cottage. No one asked how hurt he had felt to see that man there - and knowing that Sanem was the one who led him there. No one asked how he felt about being called a liar, and being seen as a man who attacked Yigit first, or being accused of burning Sanem's notebook when he never could have even think of such a treacherous thing...

He decided to leave. For himself. For his sanity. For the remaining scorned pieces of his aching heart. Can decided to bid farewell to his father and Emre. He shed tears as he did, unable to keep them within his grief stricken soul. He listened to his father's tale of the love between him and Mihriban. He listened to his words of wisdom about true love, and regret of not having the courage to fight for true love. This hit his heart. He loved Sanem. More than he could admit. More than he could reveal. More than he was able to speak to his father and brother about. What good was true love if it had hurt him? What good was true love if Sanem wanted none of it and discarted him as if their love meant nothing to her?

As the evening drew late, Can made his way to Sanem's secret garder where she created her creames and perfumes. He made his way down the stairs, and stood there, frozen, yearning above all to reach out and touch her, even if for the last time. But he knew that could never be. He recalled the moment he stood in her kitchen, in her home on her sacred ground. Her scent in the air seemed overpowering. And he felt so hopeless, a man with no name, his identity lost in that battle as well. She did not speak then, she could only look. Oh, how he begged all forces of nature to see her gaze upon him without any end, without resentment. But the look she had given him then was one filled with sorrow. And that was too painful.

Now he stood next to Sanem as she worked on her perfumes, adding the windflowers to create another scented masterpiece. Yet it seemed that when he was at sea he was closer to her than he was at this very moment. She was so close to him, a mere stretch of his arm, and yet...

They looked at each other for one brief momen before Sanem turned back around. Neither one dared to speak up. The dialogue of their souls screamed out through their eyes, demanding of love to be embraced once again. Their hearts yearned to be loved more than they would admit. They were both too shy to reveal that they missed one another, bith too hurt to make the first move, and both too stubborn to let their lips reveal what laid in their hearts.

He broke the silence and... asked for a vial of their scent. He wished he could ask her for more, but the way she reacted to his presence there told him she wanted him gone. Gone, and out of her life. And there was so much meaning in the way she refused to turn to him, and rather spoke to him with her back turned toward him. He made a good decision to leave - he told himself that now. Choosing to stay would only magnify the pain he felt inside. He asked if she had any words to offer to him. Words of goodbye? Words of farewell?

Though he had thought that Sanem's silence could not have caused him more pain, the few words she offered him cut righ through his heart. She told him she had no words to say to him. None, because she had none left within her. Resigned and crushed, he left. He could not recall how he made it back to his boat. He wandered toward it, aimlessly. He picked up the anchor, making sure he left no sign of his footprints on the pier he left behind.

Just as he was ready to set course to a land as far away as possible away from Istanbul and away from the woman who crushed his heart yet again, Can reached for Sanem's book. The book was about them. It was dedicated to him, albeit in the most painful of ways. He shed tears the first time he laid his eyes on it. But something told him to pick it up now. Now, before he left forever. Now before it was too late!

As he did, he opened the book to the passage that changed it all. Since they were too blind too see that love still lived in their hearts, Fate did it for them. He read the passage, the one, the very one Sanem spoke of words he inspired in her. A sudden shockwave of love grasped at his heart and took hold of it so tightly that his heart skipped a beat. She loved him! She did! His own eyes read the passage that came from her heart. She had no words left in her because he was her words. Each word in her mind bore his name, inside and out.

He knew what to do now. He would not leave. He could not leave. How could he? Just as he was her every word, she was his every breath. How could he leave, if she was his destiny? His one and only. He knew he would not face another day without her. For good or for bad, he would stay, and would fight for their love. And the Divit in him was finally certain above all that he would succeed...