A MAN'S SORROW CUTS DEEPER

The most unbearable pain...

Can stood in the place Sanem had described to him as their most cherished of places. On their secret ground. But he stood alone. And that scared him more than anything else in all of his life. He was scared of the feeling that was ripping his heart into pieces. The feeling that his heart was telling him he was loosing Sanem...

Can Divit swore to himself that his heart was the most precious commodity. He guarded it. Never showed it, never let anyone get close enough to it. Until Sanem Aydin barged into his world and shattered all the walls he built around that heart. Due to the loss of his memory he had not remembered that their love had paused a few times. It paused, but never ended. He read Sanem's book, listened to his father's and his brother's stories if what happened before his accident, and in all of those stories one thing was clearly evident.  Sanem loved him. He loved her, but the fact that she loved him, truly loved him, was the one idea stuck in his head. And it was becoming evident to his heart too. The fact that she loved him scared him. The fact that she got close enough for him to let her into his heart scared him too. Because that meant that someone else now held his world in her hand. And that was the hardest thing to understand and accept.

For a man that never stayed too long in one place, and never tird himself to anything, love meant that he had dropped his anchor. He found his save harbor, he found his solitude in the mountain home of her heart. Everyone around him was telling him Sanem was the one, the only one, for his heart. But he was the one who would need to make a decision to believe in that love. To believe, for Can, meant that he would need to feel it 100% with his heart and his soul. That kind of love would need to overpower his senses, leave him breathless, cloud his mind with nothing else than the thoughts of love and longing, and it would need to make him feel like his soul merged into one with the soul of another.

And that feeling was creeping up to him faster than he understood it. Ever since he allowed himself to listen to his father's advice and tried his best to stay close to Sanem, his heart felt helpless against her love. She overpowered him. And he was beginning to understand why her love meant so much to him. Why her heart felt like home...

That is why he felt so hopeless and so very alone at the embankment. Sanem had left, leaving his heart screaming inside his heart not to let her leave. He asked her why she acted the way she did. What was the reason for her recent change in the way she acted  toward him. He had no idea that the words that spilled out of her heart would feel so heavy in his. She made it clear she heard him speaking with his father. She heard him admit to Aziz that there was no more of their love left in his heart. As if he never loved her. As if he never felt her love. The look in her eyes told him just how much those words hurt her. It wasn't just the words, it was the meaning of them. She tried her best to show him how much his love meant to him. So for her to hear that none of that love existed now, it crushed her. It broke her inside, it dimmed that light in her heart. And he felt sick to his stomach because he was the reason for her pain. What's more, she revealed to him what happened to her when he went away. Her words scared him, for Sanem told him that there were people that tried to erase the pain of their love, and perhaps that love itself too.

But her love for him was stronger. He was beginning to understand how much she loved him. There was something that was happening to his heart. He was powerless to stop it. He was too far gone to even try it. He just hoped it was not too late. Sanem's accusation made him think. How was it possible that their great and true love vanished so quickly from his heart. Never a pondering man, he was now forced to look deep within himself for answers. Look for what laid underneath all those layers. Look within himself for the love only he could make her feel. Because the pain he now felt while watching her take one step after another away from him felt unbearable. More unbearable than any other pain he ever felt in his life...