A MAN'S SORROW CUTS DEEPER

If at first you don't succeed...

An early bird never doubted why it should greet the day with the most beautiful song to welcome a brand new day. Sanem knew why the early birds felt that way. These birds never needed a reminder that the bright rays of the sun ushered in a hope for the goodness in the day. Even under the cloak of clouds, these birds trusted that the sun shone up above and warmed up the coldest parts of the world...

And that is how Sanem felt about Can and his love. They have been through many ups and downs. Many trials and many failures in their relationship. They parted ways only to realize the heart could not be defeated if it was already conquered by love. And their love was bright and strong. Their love shone brighter than the stars in the sky that Sanem aways looked up to, it was stronger than the waves in the Bosphorus she always looked down upon. Above all it burned in their hearts and souls as fiercely as the sparks in the bonfire that Sanem always sat by at night and yearned for Can's love in the days he was gone.

Can was not the only one who lived with a guarded heart. Can's love opened Sanem's heart in more ways than she could explain. Though she was always open to the world, she had never fully opened herself to her own understanding of who she really was deep inside. As much as Can had been reserved and unreachable to those he chose to distance himself from, Sanem realized she too had been keeping herself closed off from her friends and her family. But more than anything, she closed herself off to herself. It was Can who constantly pushed her to do better, to go further than her own limits. He inspired her to be a better person, be a better writer. After all, Can gifted her her beloved Divit feather pen to remind her to always follow her dreams.

The engagement ring that always stayed by her heart always reminded her of the love she had inside for Can. For better or for worse, she kept it hidden, but never away from her heart. Just as the early bird trusted in the warmth of the sun, her heart trusted in the power and light of that ring. So when Can lost his memory, and all seemed lost of their love, that ring lay heavy on Sanem's heart. It also kept reminding her to never give up on their love. She tried all she could to trigger his memory's return. Restarting the agency did not help, neither did the tea, nor her parents' cooking, nor the trip to the embankment. Or so it would seem...

Can did not share with her that he did have a flashback. It was too vague to bring back his emotions he felt for Sanem, but that moment re-lit a spark in his heart. And that was all it took for the curiousity in the lonely and closed off heart of Can Divit to take hold of his mind. And that was that very much needed first step...

Sanem was still too afraid to let go of her fear of Can's memory not returning, but she trusted that his heart would recognize the fact that her heart beat to the same rhytm as his, if he only let her in. She found him at his mountain home. He looked so peaceful there, she thought. The house held so many memories that she was surprised the house in itself did not cause his memories to flash back. But she also understood Can, if he did not understand himself. She was there for him, every step of the way. It was she who opened one bolted door of his heart after another door, one by one. She knew how lonely he felt, and she could never forget what she felt when he finally opened himself up right before the accident. All of himself. He trusted, he finally trusted. And that, Sanem thought, was her greatest triumph. Her love helped him feel whole again, maybe for the first time in his life. He felt loved, and he felt secure in their love.

That was what the current Can had so much trouble in understanding. If he only knew that no one else made him change but he himself? He changed his own luck by opening his heart to Sanem. It was not the other way around. It never was. By allowing Sanem's love into his heart, the ice and sorrow that occupied his heart melted forever. And she would go above and beyond for him to feel that way again...

So she conjured a plan, yet one more plan to win his memory back. She found herself filled with so much hope and determination, that she never doubted her plan would not work. She had two aces up her sleeve. The first ace was the music that played for them that would go straight to his heart. And the second ace was their scent. How poetic would it have been for Can's memory to return all because of their scent?

She turned on the music from that very first night they danced under the stars. Unaware of the reason why she chose exactly that song, he approved of her choice. She walked to him with trembling knees and a hopeful heart. She stretched out her hand. That hopeful heart in her chest spun cartwheels when he accepted her invitation and placed his hand in hers. And her soul cried out in happiness. It was the very first moment he reached back to her since the accident. No limits, no boundaries. Just a trusting hand. She all but cried when his hand held onto hers. And so they came closer, moved everso slowly. Both took in the magic of this purest moment. Can, because he could not believe how pure and sincere she felt in his arms, and how welcomed he felt. And Sanem, because the luck of her life brought her back to the one place in the world she felt safe and at home. The heartbeat she heard drumming right under her hand that lay on his chest was the melody only an early bird would understand. That melody of hope, that melody of trust in the days that lay before them.

And then, she saw that spark. That smidge of love only she recognized. Noone else ever saw or would recognize that change in his eyes. No one else, for that spark in Can's eyes lit only for her. As soon as it lit, that spark hid itself deep inside again. But Sanem knew. And he knew as well. There was hope for the future. There was hope for their love. And she would move mountains, she would cross rivers, and she would conquer all valleys of her heart if it meant that  Can and his love would wait for her on the other side of it all...