A MAN'S SORROW CUTS DEEPER

When the voice of conscience starts speaking back...

Honesty is key. It is a key in live, and in love. It is a key in any relationship that is meant to last. Be it a business partnership, or a union of two hearts in love. And Sanem and Can knew that all much too well...

Their hearts knew that they were in love long before they could ever admit it... At some point on time Samem told Can that he was her first boyfriend. She could not have known how that made him feel. The burden of a first love fell deep in his heart. And because she was honest, he opened up to, and revealed to her that she too was his first love. The honesty of his words in turn made her heart swoon...

When he told her he loved her, he did so for the very first time in his life. The fact she fought with herself to say those words back angered him more than it hurt him. He was beginning to know her, but he already knew. He said he would wage a war with her, one he won in the end. For he made her realize that to be honest with Can, she had to be honest with herself first. Once she did that, there was no turning back. From that day on, and forevermore, her heart and her love would belong to her Can...

Such as it was, there were many things that both Sanem and Can would need to admit to each other with full honesty. One of those things just happened to be Sanem's inner voice. Contrary to a voice of one's conscience, Sanem's inner voice often argued back. And it kept speaking back. The voice had the most to say about Can Divit and his love and affection. There were a few times in the past when that inner voice caused Sanem to argue with herself right in front of Can. She argued with it at his home the day after he told her he loved her. The night they were stuck in the elevator, the voice was there too. The voice liked to argue with her, that was a fact, but she grew to treat it as a part of her life. So when that voice disappeared along with her beloved Can, it felt like loosing two people at once.

And just as Can had returned to her life, her voice had resurfaced almost at the same time. Ceycey had thought she spoke to the chickens, but the reality was much different than that. What's more, the voice told Sanem it was back because of Can. It could only mean that if the voice was back in her head, Can might find a way to get back to her heart...

So she gathered her courage and told him about the voice. Partly to change the subject of their conversation on their way to the city, and partly because she wanted to reveal more of herself to him. She admitted that he was the first person in her life that she mentioned her inner voice to. She waited for his reply and was sure he would turn away. But to her surprise, he accepted her admission with a full heart of love. He told her he feared her, but not because of her voice. And she remembered his sweet words from back when they sat on the hammock after the failed shoot, under a sky full of stars. He told her he feared her, but it was so much more than that. He feared her because he did not know how to act around her or what he could or could not say. He was afraid to offend her, was afraid for his words may cause her to flee or may cause her to tell him to go away from her side. And this too he admitted during their drive to the city. He only feared her in his life, but not because of her voice. She did not notice what he meant by that, but he knew what he meant. Even more, he told her he wished he could find a voice of his own in her mind. And that, as a matter of fact, she knew he meant as a compliment as much for her as much for her voice...

The past had taught Sanem to be more honest with Can. She made mistakes, painful ones, because she chose to wait with revealing the truth. Slowly she would reveal more and more of herself, and her feelings for Can. She just hoped that when she did, she would not have waited an armstretch too late...